The conscious mind analyzes what you told it to be a fact, subconscious mind takes orders of what you say is a fact, RAS searches for what you say is a fact. So if you tell yourself you are not worthy of love, your conscious mind will look for proof that you, in fact, are not worthy of love. Then, your subconscious mind will go to sleep, knowing that to be a fact because throughout the day, your reticular activating system looked for proof that you are not worthy of love. It’s an endless cycle of what you tell your conscious mind and your reticular activating system and your conscious mind to be the fact. Now, if you tell your subconscious mind at night that you are worthy of love, the next morning, your reticular activating system will go above and beyond to find proof of that to be a fact, and your conscious mind will slowly start to see proof through the activating system that you are worthy of love. So be mindful of what truth you feed it 🥰

When an avoidant person comes back, the first thing I want you to understand is this: They did not block you because you were “too much.” They did not pull away because you were unlovable. They were not necessarily running from you. They were running from the emotions they were experiencing because of the connection. Avoidant people often create distance because their nervous system associates deep emotions with overwhelm. The space gives them room to breathe. But what they don’t realize is that they are not just creating space from you. They are also creating space from their own feelings. For a while, the pattern may have been that they pulled away and you reached for them. They became comfortable knowing that eventually you would return, reassure them, or try to repair the distance. But this time, your silence spoke louder than your words ever could. Your silence showed them that you value yourself. That you are no longer willing to chase inconsistency. That your love does not require you to abandon your own peace. When you stopped filling the silence, they finally had to hear what was underneath it. All the emotions they were suppressing became louder. Because sometimes when someone is constantly receiving your energy, your reassurance, and your attention, they don’t have to fully sit with what they feel. But when that energy disappears, they are forced to confront the feelings they were avoiding. Now, when they come back, can you respond? Absolutely. But are you obligated to immediately give them access to the version of you they had before? Absolutely not. If you choose reconciliation, your boundaries must become stronger than your desire to keep the connection. Your boundaries should create a level of safety and respect where they understand that repeating the same behavior will no longer be accepted. This is why I tell you not to immediately respond the second they reach out. Give yourself time. Not as a game. Not to manipulate the situation. But because you are no longer responding from anxiety.

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