Stuck on Day 3
I have been tracking my days on the community page of skool.
I find it more helpful.
I get personally confused that there is a space here and there.
For me the more simple, the more helpful.
I have been stuck on Day 3
Stillness before action.
That's truly where I want to start and be in general.
That's how I want my Dream Day to start.
Stillness before action.
So far at least that's definitely the Beginning of my Dream day.
Haven't been able to feel still enough to even imagine how my Dream Day would be . Simply the Beginning.
So that's where I'm at.
Been going through doing my best to bring Clarity to my partnership, that has been challenging
We spoke of separation over the week, as we've been stuck in a challenging pattern that has been destructive.
We have also done a lot of constructive patterns and worked on a lot.
I simply get overloaded very fast with what's going on in my Life.
So really I need Definitely to find Stillness before action.
Was stuck in terrible painful freezes and destructive though loops. Doing my best to maintain the constructive thought loops and constructive behaviours towards myself, and towards my partner.
I am part of the destructive loop between him and i.
So I am practicing catching myself.
Calling me back to my own words. Making sure I am walking my talk. I haven't done that too well.
For example I tell myself and my partner : Now I am going to practice stillness before action, and get back to you after that, and I so far, didn't really manage.
I several times went on the Yoga mat.
Lit a candle
with few plants around me and some grounding stones,..
And some oracle cards, and this page open as well,...
And I manage only few seconds and I get up and a thought and an other one and other one come up.
Then back to " Nono! I'm grounding. Stillness before action"
And again, I'm doing my best to get there, and then I'm like : " No I can't concentrate if the whole house is a mess"!
Unfortunately making sure the whole house is organised and clean before sitting down for stillness could take few days !!!
Maybe not, but I mean by that that I'd ideally like to have the whole place organised and clean and then do practices like Stillness before action, only, I don't manage to that when I have few times started to do it,... I start cleaning and organising and I so far have not gotten to finish as I get either I run out of physical and energetical ability, or again, I start to worry and wonder if it's not something else again I should be prioritising and focusing on instead ?
Like "going back to the stillness practice"
Most of the time though, I am devoured by thought regarding my spouse. My partner. I simply notice I carry too much anxiety in relationship to my relationship.
It consumes my energy more than anything else.
I also noticed, in general, that is a pattern with me : what my relationship to other people is like? Where is it at? What did I say ? What did we plan ? Did I forget something ? Someone ? or Oh no, I told this person , or my partner I was going to meet them at this time, but actually I am not ready at all. And I find myself having challenging times saying No.
Okay some writing for today hahah
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Stuck on Day 3
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