I have been tracking my days on the community page of skool. I find it more helpful. I get personally confused that there is a space here and there. For me the more simple, the more helpful. I have been stuck on Day 3 Stillness before action. That's truly where I want to start and be in general. That's how I want my Dream Day to start. Stillness before action. So far at least that's definitely the Beginning of my Dream day. Haven't been able to feel still enough to even imagine how my Dream Day would be . Simply the Beginning. So that's where I'm at. Been going through doing my best to bring Clarity to my partnership, that has been challenging We spoke of separation over the week, as we've been stuck in a challenging pattern that has been destructive. We have also done a lot of constructive patterns and worked on a lot. I simply get overloaded very fast with what's going on in my Life. So really I need Definitely to find Stillness before action. Was stuck in terrible painful freezes and destructive though loops. Doing my best to maintain the constructive thought loops and constructive behaviours towards myself, and towards my partner. I am part of the destructive loop between him and i. So I am practicing catching myself. Calling me back to my own words. Making sure I am walking my talk. I haven't done that too well. For example I tell myself and my partner : Now I am going to practice stillness before action, and get back to you after that, and I so far, didn't really manage. I several times went on the Yoga mat. Lit a candle with few plants around me and some grounding stones,.. And some oracle cards, and this page open as well,... And I manage only few seconds and I get up and a thought and an other one and other one come up. Then back to " Nono! I'm grounding. Stillness before action" And again, I'm doing my best to get there, and then I'm like : " No I can't concentrate if the whole house is a mess"! Unfortunately making sure the whole house is organised and clean before sitting down for stillness could take few days !!!

I know that the tiny thing I can start with is : Create a sanctuary starting point. The whole house needs to be cleaned and organised : Yes ! Only I can start with simply my yoga mat and a candle and few stones, and stillness. Until I reach actual stillness. And then, see what next step I can take , regarding the house for example. But I need to simplify my work. My job. My gaols. At this moment. Simplicity is key for me. One thing at the time. One task only. Only one task. And repeat it enough times that it freaking anchors in my system

Stillness before action Now that's exactly what I need. And that's exactly how I'd like my Dream day to start 😄 I did a little meditation this morning , yet, did not reach complete still ness I noticed I easily got stressed with "all the things I need to do and have a hold on" something like that Very worried about my relationship to my partner I was very harsh and hard yesterday with him, to wards him. Very cold. Wrote him I didn't want this anymore. And the Truth is, it's not him I don't want anymore. It's this destructive pattern we have been in at times. I was not able to write him from a grounded way, so I was cold and then quite attacking and mean and rude. I know where it comes from. There is a place in my that is very hurt and scared. Yet, I am indeed desiring and in need to practice Stillness before action. So I did some of it earlier. Actually even invited a girl friend to come do this Feminine Morning meditation practice together, it was helpful we did it. I simply could feel and can still feel I need even more stillness before action. Hard because I am also very hungry and have not eaten enough for quite a few days. :/ And been bleeding. Periods. They are finished now. I need to eat. Yet, I need stillness before that. So back to stillness let's see if I manage few minutes more.

Yesterday I imagined the beginning of my Dream Day. I did not manage to go further than: I'd like to wake up very early in the Morning, like 7:30 or earlier even,... and start my day with a centering, gathering morning practice.... With my little stones on my yoga mat Until I find stillness and clarity, and then gather energy from the ground and up, and from the sky down,..... Ending up feeling gathered, awake, centered, vital, fertile,... energetically strong, & powerful and ready to do and create. Make some food, in my beautiful Dream kitchen, in my beautiful Dream home, where I live with .....

Okay so far I watch a Comedy show. For the Have Fun exercises. Haha I would not have done that today. I was all : okay super task oriented today. Not able to have fun truly, as what brings fun feels like it's organising myself better and better each day. That feels honestly like fun. Or resting and enjoying things in a relaxed way. ( have such a hard time relaxing and enjoying. Cause I'm always like : okay what's next. Oh Lord, I need to fix this and that and become clear and know where I'm going. Cause I use to know at few points in my life, and then burn outs and nervous break down, and now I feel like I'm crawling out of a hole. And it's going up and down. A lot of shakiness and weakness (energetically and muscle wise) , brain fogs and such. Slow at processing, or perhaps more like, I have a challenging time saying no to things, so I still continue doing too much and then I need to process it, and I simply don't allow myself enough time to do that. And then as I wrote above, I'm also like "Okay Damn. Go. You need to fix this and that and get your life back together !!!" ) Anyway rare are the moments I sit down or lay down and watch something fun / funny. Now I feel like I wanna need to do a lot of stuff and I look awful and I am hungry and .... hhhhh I wish I had time to allow myself to have more fun like Dance to music until I can't dance anymore hahah Or meet my partner and laugh and have fun and not think of all the challenges we want to solve blablalabl Or meet a girl friend and connect and laugh , dance, be girls... Or watch a really good movie with friends Or do some Improv Theatre exercises I have many ideas for fun. BUT !!!! and.... I am now feeling some panic, as I'd like to go further with it, and maybe dance a bit to a song, or go for a walk in this beautiful weather, as I wrote, I have quite a few ideas, but.... I did something I tend to do.... x( which is, a bit earlier I wrote my partner to come by after his little niece's birthday party that he is at now, and , I did it quite spontaneously, without checking if