14d • General discussion
Parental relationship & the molding of our personality
As each of you are aware by now, we have built our identity upon the backs of our parents. We have created an inner game of blame in order to restrict the level of responsibility that has always been ours, and ours alone. We have formulated ways to project our suppressed emotions in order to manipulate others (most specifically our parents) in an attempt to get what we want. This is also because we tend to approach our lives through the lens of "should" instead of "willingness". I know, for myself, I only started focusing on the mending of my relationship with my parents because of the "should" mentality. So together, we will unravel the "should" versus "willingness" through the completion of our parental patterns.
This week I am dropping a few questions in here to reflect upon and answer. I would like for you to copy the questions and respond to this post with the outline of the questions, along with your answers. You have until next Thursday to complete this assignment, however, the sooner you tend to it the easier it becomes!
Part 1: THE PHILOSOPHY OF COMPLETION AND WILLINGNESS
STEP 1: Reflect on Resonance (Willingness vs. Obligation) The foundation of this work begins with your posture. We can see that doing this work from a place of obligation ("I should," "I need to," "I have to") will only recycle the past and damage you further. Instead, the requirement is simply your willingness.
• What does it mean for you to replace your "shoulds" with a "willingness to stand in the possibility of seeing something you don't see today"?
• Write a reflection exploring the difference in your body and mind when you approach your parental trauma from "willingness" rather than "obligation."
STEP 2: Identify the Source (The Ultimate Mirror) The foundational assertion of this work is this: "Until you complete the relationship with your parents, all your relationships will be about your parents". We act out our incomplete parental dynamics with partners, friends, and in our careers.
• Consider your current interpersonal struggles. Where do you see yourself projecting "mommy and daddy" onto other people in your life?
STEP 3: Uncover the Driving Force (Withdrawal of Support & Resistance) As children, we are dependent on our parents for survival, creating an unconscious demand for their support. When that support is withdrawn—whether through abuse, neglect, divorce, or simple misattunement—we hold on and dramatize it.
• What was the core "withdrawal of support" you experienced from your parents
• How have you reacted since that withdrawal of support and what has that acting out caused in your life?
STEP 4: The Cleanup Practice - Shifting the Lens - A profound realization came when a former Marine whose mother passed away was able to see something new: the hardest part was not that she moved on, it was that he was finally getting to know who she was beyond the role she played in his life.
• Choose one parent. Write down all the expectations you have placed on them based purely on their "role" as Mom or Dad.
• This week, your practice is to view them entirely outside of that role. Write a paragraph describing this parent as just a human being—a man or a woman with their own history, traumas, and limitations. How does this shift your internal experience of them?
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Parental relationship & the molding of our personality
