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Don't Ghost Yourself After One Bad Date with Failure
I went iceskating yesterday and it's been years! I had the best time!! But, as I was observing others, it was interesting to see the different reactions that people had to falling, trying something new, and the overall experience. This made me think about 'failure' and giving up and how often people put themselves in smaller and smaller confinements due to not excelling at something right away.
🌱 Overcoming Failure (When “I’m Not Good at This” Makes You Want to Quit)
What’s really happening:When we fail early, the brain often interprets it as evidence rather than information. Psychologically, this is fixed mindset thinking which is the belief that ability is static instead of built. Add in negativity bias (we weigh failure more heavily than success), and quitting can feel like self-protection rather than avoidance. We've talked about both of these principles in the past.
Why quitting feels so tempting:
-Early attempts are supposed to be awkward, but we mistake that discomfort for incompetence and apply negative labels to ourselves.
-Comparison kicks in, ignoring the invisible practice behind others’ skill (this is so hard not to do when we see others--instead of feeling encouraged and inspired, we feel defeated)
-Our brains crave certainty, and quitting gives fast relief from frustration (a little dopamine hit and we reinforce a cylce of avoidance--we talked about this in the past in relation to avoidance before)
How to keep going anyway:
**Reframe failure as data → ask “What did this teach me?” instead of “What does this say about me?” Engage from a place of curiosity!
**Expect the learning curve → struggle can be a sign of growth--discomfort/growing pain is different than pain that is damaging--start learning the difference.
**Decouple identity from performance → doing poorly does not mean being incapable. Start embracing "imposter syndrome"....we're all imposters when we're doing something new/something different; when we're learning
**Commit to reps, not results → we improve our skill through repeated exposure...this is how confidence is built as well-->waiting for confidence to build up to take action is usually not the way to go. Do it and do it scared. :)
**Normalize quitting urges → feeling discouraged doesn’t mean you should act on it. I really wanna say F*** your feelings, BUT I am a therapist and feelings provide us with good information. Be curious with your feelings, BUT, they do NOT need to dictate our next steps.
(To not quit hard things, you need to break goals down, connect with your 'why' and manage your mindset by taking short breaks, tracking progress and reframing failure as learning. Also, seek support and practice self care in order to build resilience and overcome fear of not succeeding)
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Question: What's something that you found challenging but are proud that you've stuck with it? OR What's something that you quit early that you wish you would have stuck with?
Poll: when you’re bad at something at first, your instinct is to:
🚪Exit Immediately
🧾 Gather “evidence” I’m not cut out for it
⏳ Wait until I feel confident (lol)
🔥 Stay in it and get better
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Don't Ghost Yourself After One Bad Date with Failure
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