Dec '25 • General discussion
Presence and Emotional Safety: The Answer to Helping Our Children Become Tomorrow's Leaders
As a society, as a people, and as a parent (all these terms are irrelevant)- at the fundamental level of our being- we've been taught to live in our "Head." Our entire operating principle- has gone from living in our heart (the way our children still do)- to at some point, living mostly in our head.
We do this out of fear- it is the response to our fear of staying/being in our body- when things get difficult- we resort to "Thought" to make ourselves feel better-
And we do the same thing with our kids-
"But you're still good at math! (they're upset they got a C in science)
You Did win that trophy Saturday! (They missed a soccer goal 2 days later on Monday)
You're getting your own room soon, don't worry!" (They're frustrated they have to share a room with their sibling)
Even if it is less archaic than, distracting your 3 year old with ice cream (as in, it makes more "sense" what you're saying/doing)-
You're missing something completely-
and that is being present with them in the experience they are having-
We fail to do this because in truth, the experience they are having makes US uncomfortable-
And in truth, it is perhaps the most difficult out of anyone that you watch in life struggle- for that to be your own child.
BUT, as difficult as it is, the BEST and ONLY TRUE way to help them- is to meet them in the experience they are having
In that difficult feeling-
"You did get a C, huh? Gosh, that must have blown. I know how hard you studied for that test."
"Tell me more about when you missed that soccer goal."
"I'm so glad you're telling me about this- it sounds Really frustrating."
What they really want is-- what we ALL want- to be seen, felt, and heard.
And ultimately to not be alone in their experience.
So often we resort to "fixing" things for them- which in turn makes them less resilient adults. Because they were never "taught" to "be" in the difficult feeling, to sit with that difficult emotion, and to truly "experience" their experience.
They can't BEAR it. So of course, they cannot work through it.
The approach of, "Meeting at the Level of the Heart," solves this fundamentally.
Before you interact with your child, or anyone (I like to start my day with this)- spend intentioned time connecting to yourself and your own inner experience. You should know what it is like to feel a sense of "presence" in your being- as in, "I am here." "I am in my body."
Most of us, live from the time we wake up, to even in our dreams, in a frantic survival state, as if everything we are doing- is in the state of emergency.
Eating, showering, brushing teeth, wiping the table, even speaking- EVERYTHING is RUSHED.
Start your day by slowing down and connecting to yourself. And more and more, that practice at the beginning of your day, will be carried into every moment.
Best of luck, and well wishes for presence, connection to yourself,
And to your child.
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Presence and Emotional Safety: The Answer to Helping Our Children Become Tomorrow's Leaders
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