13d • General discussion
Out of Control
You’re Out of Control
People need control to feel safe, secure, and in charge of their lives, especially when dealing with anxiety, fear, or past trauma. This need can stem from a desire to create certainty in an uncertain world, manage fear of negative outcomes, or cope with feelings of helplessness. While a moderate desire for control is normal, an excessive need can lead to negative outcomes in relationships and personal well-being.
Causes of the need for control
- Anxiety and fear: The desire to control situations is often a response to anxiety, as it can create a sense of certainty and prevent things from going wrong.
- Past trauma: Traumatic experiences can lead to a deep-seated need for control, as controlling one's environment may be an unconscious effort to protect oneself from experiencing similar pain again.
- Learned behavior: Observing and internalizing controlling behaviors from others, or growing up in an environment where control was a common response, can lead to this need.
- Low self-esteem and insecurity: A lack of self-worth can make individuals feel vulnerable, and they may try to gain a sense of power or value through controlling others or situations.
- Perfectionism: The belief that things must be done in a perfect or specific way can drive a need for control, as it's a way to ensure outcomes meet an impossibly high standard.
How it affects people
- Positive effects: At a basic level, feeling in control is linked to better psychological health, lower stress levels, and a greater sense of happiness. It helps individuals believe they can shape their own outcomes.
- Negative effects:Relationship damage: Trying to control others can create frustration, stress, and conflict in relationships. Increased stress:Unconsciously trying to control uncontrollable situations can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and burnout. Abuse: In some cases, controlling behaviors can be a form of abuse, where power is used to manipulate or dominate others. Missed opportunities: The fear of losing control can lead to avoidance behaviors, making it difficult to delegate or try new things.
Control is an illusion…. Accepting the reality is paramount in finding peace …and relief from undesirable stresses in our lives!!
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Out of Control
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