You’re Out of Control People need control to feel safe, secure, and in charge of their lives, especially when dealing with anxiety, fear, or past trauma. This need can stem from a desire to create certainty in an uncertain world, manage fear of negative outcomes, or cope with feelings of helplessness. While a moderate desire for control is normal, an excessive need can lead to negative outcomes in relationships and personal well-being. Causes of the need for control - Anxiety and fear: The desire to control situations is often a response to anxiety, as it can create a sense of certainty and prevent things from going wrong.  - Past trauma: Traumatic experiences can lead to a deep-seated need for control, as controlling one's environment may be an unconscious effort to protect oneself from experiencing similar pain again.  - Learned behavior: Observing and internalizing controlling behaviors from others, or growing up in an environment where control was a common response, can lead to this need.  - Low self-esteem and insecurity: A lack of self-worth can make individuals feel vulnerable, and they may try to gain a sense of power or value through controlling others or situations.  - Perfectionism: The belief that things must be done in a perfect or specific way can drive a need for control, as it's a way to ensure outcomes meet an impossibly high standard. 

While serving on Task Force Warrior as a combat instructor providing training to troops preparing for deployment to theaters of operation in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Kosovo… I had the privilege to serve alongside some very capable and experienced warfighters! During a send off celebration … we were out at a local bar and restaurant. We were celebrating. A civilian at the bar, observed our activities and inquired if we were all soldiers? and what were celebrating? We told him we were sending another one of our guys back to war… he remarked that he saw a number of wedding rings on our hands and assumed that we had wives and children perhaps…? He asked “how can you do that?” “provide love and support for your family and travel to another land and kill others?” WOW! What a deep and dirty accusatory question, right? Well, SFC Hanlin, was an outstanding leader and mentor… always known for powerful one liners. But tonight, he told a story. Very dramatically pointed around the room and said all of these men are some of the finest most disciplined, physically conditioned, and well trained individuals I’ve ever had the privilege to serve alongside… these men are lovers, life takers, and heartbreakers… But they are also fathers, husbands, and brothers… I’m proud to share with you a secret about each of these men… each of these men are prepared to do whatever is necessary to defend this country, our constitution, and your freedom to sit there in that suit and drink that whiskey free of tyranny… they also love & care for their families ….no matter the task…. If asked of them, they will pick daisies with one hand, and strangle kittens with the other! This unique interaction best describes the traveled path from combat to counseling!! I’m not sure where this Skool will go… but I’m happy to share my lived experience and what has helped my recovery and restoration to sanity!! Perhaps, together, we can help you identify the areas of your life you’re struggling to navigate… and develop a new perspective which will promote peace and purpose in your life, enriching your mental health!!