Jun 13 • General discussion
It Is Easier to Blame Than to Understand
It is often easier to blame than to understand.
To truly understand, comprehend, or process something as complex as suicide, we must be willing to innerstand—to look inward and deeply examine the many variables that can contribute to a person's desire to no longer live. This is no small task. The desire to survive is deeply rooted in human nature. Most of us instinctively fight to live despite adversity, pain, and hardship.
When someone begins contemplating suicide, it is rarely a decision made in a single moment. More often, it is a process that unfolds over time. Some individuals struggle with suicidal thoughts consistently, while others experience them periodically over many years without ever acting on them. My point is that suicide is rarely an impulsive choice that appears one day and is immediately acted upon. It is often the result of a complex interaction of factors that accumulate over time.
To innerstand the complexity of suicide requires research, patience, and a willingness to explore multiple dimensions of the human experience. It requires examining the brain, the mind, emotions, relationships, trauma, biology, environment, spirituality, and countless other layers. Even with all of our advancements in science, psychology, and medicine, suicide remains a subject that we do not fully understand, nor have we fully solved.
Because of this complexity, many people naturally avoid exploring the painful realities surrounding suicide. Instead, the mind often seeks a simpler explanation. It is easier to blame ourselves. It is easier to blame someone else. Blame offers the illusion of certainty in a situation filled with unanswered questions.
Unfortunately, this process can be devastating. Self-blame can erode our self-worth and create profound guilt and shame. Blaming others can damage relationships, fracture families, and create lasting resentment. The mind often searches for a clear answer because uncertainty is uncomfortable. It is much easier to arrive at a simple conclusion than it is to sit with the complexity of suicide and all that surrounds it.
For many of us, this is where much of our guilt and shame originate. These feelings deserve our attention, compassion, and reflection. To know, to comprehend, and to innerstand what may have occurred is an important part of healing.
It is also important to remember that it is not your responsibility to make others understand. Many of us spend years trying to explain our perspective, share resources, or help others see the complexity of suicide and suicide loss. Yet some people have already made up their minds. They have judged the person who died, judged those who survived, or judged themselves.
This is where the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset becomes evident. A fixed mindset seeks certainty and final answers. A growth mindset remains open to learning, questioning, and expanding its understanding.
Choose your battles wisely. Be open to new perspectives, but do not exhaust yourself trying to convince those who have closed themselves off from understanding. Some people are not ready to explore the complexity of this subject.
Suicide remains a field that is still evolving. Likewise, healing from suicide loss is a journey that continues to reveal new insights and understandings. There is still much to learn, much to understand, and much to innerstand.
Above all, be gentle with your perspective. Be gentle with your questions. Be gentle with your healing. Some answers may never come, but understanding can continue to grow.
With gentle innerstanding,
Vane
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It Is Easier to Blame Than to Understand
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