And what the heck are you doing here?!
I’m learning that I can be off-putting to many people.
We all have our downsides and upsides.
Discovering who we are AND navigating our lives and businesses as entrepreneurs can be tricky…
No amount of strategy and do do do will make you successful or bring you joy.
Dammit! I wish I would’ve known that in the first place! 😜
I’m a recovering narcissist. Control freak and I’ve done it in a passive aggressive way.
Which is the very opposite of who I truly am.
Here comes the grand experiment.
Vulnerability.
Being who I truly am.
Admitting and acknowledging.
Shaking off the old identity of trying so fucking hard to be like others — generators and manifesting generators. 🤦🏼♂️
Growing up in a small family cult… cult thinking recked me and my current family.
Comparisons kill.
It’s hard to be known without simply being YOU!
At 17 I had an opportunity to built an alternative home (straw bale) for my parents.
The building department said I was “not old enough”.
But I kept coming back.
Over and over again.
Until I met with the building inspector. He was reluctant because many homes had burnt down in the county.
Looking back it seemed irresponsible of him. Until I learned something about myself…
I’m not easily ignored (Manifestor bubble).
AND…
When someone is inside of my aura they feel safe. The building inspector felt safe even with a minor. 🤯
The home still stands today and it is strong and protective like my aura.
We all have shadows.
Mine was rooted in unworthiness.
The more I was received and loved the more insecure I felt.
Comparing myself to those who have very different energy than me, kept me from receiving care and support.
It also created competition inside of me, blocking intimacy and true connection.
The more my bubble bumped my partner @Jes Divine, the more I hurt her.
Defensiveness wrapped in sweetness and empty promises.
Lost and confused, I kept my family low — stuck, suppressed. Creativity thrown to the wind and money trapped behind broken dreams.
When I put people on the outside of my bubble, they are at odds with me.
When I am vulnerable they are in my bubble and safe.
One of the biggest problems in my relationship with Jes has been her not feeling safe with me.
Her energy attracts — like really, really attracts.
And it’s easy to become addicted to that kind of feel-good energy.
Which leaves her EXTREMELY vulnerable and literally unsafe.
This is the danger of being a generator and especially a manifesting generator and ESPECIALLY being a woman on this planet.
While, I have experienced intense rejection and loneliness growing up, I’ll never know the unsafe world that Jes experienced — riddled with predators and continuous violations.
When I met Jes she felt safe in my Manifestor bubble. Before bitterness toward prior rejection set in.
Learning to like myself after rejecting myself has been a brutal awakening.
And it’s exactly where I meant to be.
Safety is not an illusion. Some of us need it more than others. And those who are able to protect. Oh baby! When we protect it’s really profound.
Because those who attract now have a filter, a dome of protection.
Instead of envy I now have the freedom to be me.
You can feel me coming.
But I am safe inside.
…..
So who are you and why are you here?