sharing: I feel challenged in my relationship dynamic.

Hey dears,

so Holly encouraged me to share what has been going on in my romantic relationship recently.

It feels daring but also good to ask for help here. thanks for bearing with me. So here we go:

I am in a romantic relationship since two months, samt ie that we know each other. yes, went into commitment very quickly and grew into a deep heart connection quite intensely the first 4 weeks. For me this was just perfect, feeling deeply in love. For her too until her avoidant aspects surfaced and demanded her to step back and take things much slower.

From here a dynamic appeared, as I got into a more anxious and insecure mode.

Since 2 weeks I decided to take more space to really focus on integrating my parts more. It feels empowering momentarily but more oftenI feel in between a state of (full) detachment, my avoidant aspects suggesting to leave or at least questioning wether She will actually be able to love me the way I wish at some point.. Meaning that even once I integrated and fully healed my parts, she might still be controlled by her avoidant parts and will not be able to engage in a deeply committed romantic relationship..

..basically I am trying to figure out how much distance/space feels like a healthy balance between our opposing parts. As in when does it still feel good and healthy, meaning balanced but not from a place of trauma dynamic.

I wish to invest more time together and have much more clarity or even define our relationship further than: 'we relate now and give it a chance to evolve' - parts of me want to create more safety.

I guess I also have the answer to what is important or what to focus on right now:

Really focus on me and my parts, redirect the energy and creativity that I wish to share with her towards my own personal growth and joys in life. Basically integrating my parts. cutting the dynamic on my side

And devote all the love i wish to share to god, (my tantra practice helps me a loot)

And with time observe if how the relationship developes. if she will open up and commit more over time, while i do my best to stay balanced or if i move on if it doesnt match.

-> really sticking to my values, worth and inner truth

It's just really challenging to stay in this state in between, as it triggers an old feeling of helplessness which can make me feel dissociated and heavy.

But now after writing this it gave me much more clarity already.

If you still have some pointers and recommendations I appreciate it.

Thanks for reading me :)

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