Again…
I saw it coming—
that quiet bend in the road
where I always veer
off course.
I told myself I’d turn this time.
I had the tools,
the mantras,
the breath.
I knew better.
But still—
I said yes
with a trembling no
caught in my throat.
I smiled while my insides sank,
served while bleeding,
held space when I was crumbling
in my own.
It’s not ignorance anymore—
it’s muscle memory.
It’s the echo of a girl
who learned love was earned
through nurturing.
And now—
here I am,
awake and aching,
watching myself do
what I swore I wouldn’t.
This is the grief no one talks about—
not the pain of what they did,
but the pain of what I keep doing
to myself
even after I know
where it leads.
But I will not shame the version of me
still tangled in survival.
I will meet her gently,
hold her hand when she stumbles,
and whisper:
“We’re still unlearning.
We’re still becoming.
It’s okay to begin
again.”
6
3 comments
Hilery Hutchinson
3
Again…
Beautiful Mind
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The personal and practical study of dissolving separation at its core so you can live, love and create from a place of peace and sovereignty.
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