💚 Anxious Attachment + ADHD: When Connection Turns Into Fixation 💚

I came across a reel today that articulated something I see all the time in dating and relationships - especially when anxious attachment and ADHD overlap.

At its core, both systems are deeply wired for connection. That’s not a flaw. It’s not a bug. It’s a feature.

But here’s where it can get tricky.

When connection starts to feel uncertain, the mind doesn’t just care - it locks on.

Thoughts loop.

The relationship becomes the center of gravity.

Every text, pause, tone, or change gets analyzed.

For someone with anxious attachment, the nervous system reads uncertainty as threat. For someone with ADHD, attention and emotional energy can hyperfocus, especially on things that matter deeply.

Put those together, and dating can start to feel heavy. Rejection feels catastrophic. The stakes feel impossibly high... and instead of being in the relationship, you’re managing the outcome of it.

That’s the part from the reel that really landed for me:

"The moment you fixate on the outcome, you lose access to flow, intuition, and improvisation."

When your energy is locked on making it work, you’re no longer present enough to notice what’s actually happening - how you feel, what you want, whether this connection is nourishing you too.

This isn’t about “letting go” in a dismissive wat. It’s about learning to stay with yourself while staying in connection.

Because secure relating doesn’t come from controlling the outcome. It comes from trusting that you can handle whatever the outcome is.

💭 Curious to hear from you:

Have you noticed moments in dating where caring turned into fixation?

What helps you come back into your body and out of your head when that happens?

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