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Lesson 7 - Truth
The truth I’m ready to honor is that it’s time to find out who I really am. 💕
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My desires
This was fun. Acknowledging that C-PTSD may never fully leave me, I had a big realisation this morning connected to this topic. I have denied myself literally nothing in my life. The realisation is that this applies to everything that I have or have had an unhealthy relationship with. Food, money, alcohol…Why? Because my childhood was one big never ending denial. The question arising for me is, to ask myself why more often and to pause to check in on if it’s really what I need. Where this doesn’t apply is anything concerning vulnerability. What I really desire is to ask for what I need from others more often. To stop withholding asking for what I need because to be vulnerable was never safe as a child but that’s not true now. 💕
Misalignment
I am feeling so off with entrepreneurship - mostly with the use of AI. I have used it, but I don't want to. I feel like my values are so against 1. the environmental impact aka the water usage and tendency for data centers to be built in low-income Black and Brown communities, causing more pollution. I recognize the environmental impact comes no where close to the impact of factory farming and the agriculture industry but I feel like I do when I eat mass produced meat - gross. 2. learning/writing for self. As a former college professor, I want people to be able to think for themselves. I don't like how easy it is to use AI in place of critical thinking. Separately, I know there is no going back or slowing down with AI and I'm scared about that. However, there isn't a business growth challenge I've seen yet that does require the use of AI and the way it helps people scale quickly - how can I not use it? I try to keep the use to a minimum and I'm not 100% sure how to reconcile it all! Feeling very unsure with myself and my business goals.
When I lose myself I...
lose connection. Because losing myself looks like engaging on of the F's (Fight, Flight, Fawn, Freeze) and my two most relied on are Flight and Fawn. Staying in the room and finding ways to speak my truth need practice.
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When did I learn who I was supposed to be?
I grew up in a pretty rough way. Lots of anger - keeping quiet - hyper vigilance. My earliest memories are vivid so I was very young. Keeping the peace was ingrained in me. ❤️
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