I often think of our children as extensions of who we are. No name, no identity, almost the same person. Almost the same entity. They are so profound. They mimic everything we are and embody. For this reason, every time I look at a child I look at the eyes of the one who spends with them the most time. I watch how that person interacts with them, talks to them, thinks of them if i can witness that through their body language or communication. I've met many people, in my family and everywhere, that don't realize just how much the child is an extension. That, when we look at them, very often we are seeing ourselves, and when we are surprised by what we see, it is often a lack of awareness in ourselves- some blindness that we don't see about ourselves. How beautiful children are that they mirror everything we are- that through them we have the opportunity to see ourselves. To fix ourselves. To change, grow, and rise ourselves. There is no greater Mirror than our Child. Or A Child. It's easy to see maybe how someone else's child is a mirror of their parent. But the work really is to understand how yours is a mirror of you. The more you can do this, the more you will be able to affect your child for the better. First comes awareness. Then understanding. Then change. Then growth. Everything has a natural order to it. I think the very first step, even before awareness, is Openness. Sometimes that can be the very first step- the openness to see, that maybe I do play a part in this behavior. Maybe there is some way that I am contributing to my child that I am unaware of. There is no need to feel shame or fear about that. It is all truly science. Or psychology. Or the understanding of relationships. It's just how they work. You can look at it objectively and remove yourself almost like you are looking at someone and someone else (your child). And observe and reflect on how your child is behaving and what they might need. It is a glorious thing to SEE. To see how you might be playing a part. That is the first step of change. You need to see something. So often our own fear gets in the way. It is too frightening to imagine we contributed to any of this- especially if the behavior is horrific. But our greatest ability to change comes from taking responsibility.