Why "Try Harder" Doesn't Work · A Calmer Way to Live

Why "Try Harder" Doesn't Work

If I had a dollar for every time I told myself "I'm just going to try harder," I'd be writing this from my dream vacation.

Trying harder sounds right. It feels responsible. But most of the time it just means doing the same thing with more intensity, which gets you the same result with more frustration.

I spent a long time stuck in that cycle before I realized that the issue wasn't effort. It was strategy. Or more honestly, the complete lack of one.

We wouldn't try to get physically stronger by just "wanting it more." We'd follow a program. We'd show up consistently. We'd build gradually. In fact, people who do try to get physically stronger by just doing more usually end up injuring themselves. But when it comes to our inner life, our character, how we actually show up as people, we somehow think sheer willpower should be enough.

It isn't. And that's not a failure. It's just a fact.

Have you ever been stuck in a "try harder" loop? What was it about?

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