Here's something I had to learn the hard way. I used to spend a lot of energy thinking about what the people around me needed to change. My spouse could be more this. My colleague should stop doing that. If only this situation were different, everything would be better. And then at some point it hit me: I was an expert on everyone else's growth and a complete amateur when it came to my own. It's one of the easiest traps to fall into because it feels productive. It feels like you're being thoughtful and caring. But really it's just a way of avoiding the harder question, which is: How am I showing up? Not how is everyone else showing up. How am I? That shift changed more in my life than any piece of advice I ever gave anyone else. Be honest: do you spend more time thinking about what the people around you should change, or what you should change?

A few years ago I was sitting at my desk after a full day of teaching and meetings, and a thought hit me that I couldn't shake. I had just given a class about patience. A really good one. People thanked me afterward. And then I got home and snapped at my kids within twenty minutes. It made me wonder, how is it possible that I genuinely believe something and still don't live it? What made it worse was that I started questioning my right to speak about such ideas when I felt like I was not authentic to them. Was I being a hypocrite? That question wouldn't leave me alone. It followed me for months. And eventually it became the foundation of everything we're building here. I don't think I'm the only one walking around with that question. I think most thoughtful people feel it and just don't talk about it. So let me ask you: Have you ever had a moment where you realized you weren't living something you deeply believe in? What was that like?