The Advice Trap · A Calmer Way to Live

The Advice Trap

Here's something I had to learn the hard way.

I used to spend a lot of energy thinking about what the people around me needed to change. My spouse could be more this. My colleague should stop doing that. If only this situation were different, everything would be better.

And then at some point it hit me: I was an expert on everyone else's growth and a complete amateur when it came to my own.

It's one of the easiest traps to fall into because it feels productive. It feels like you're being thoughtful and caring. But really it's just a way of avoiding the harder question, which is: How am I showing up? Not how is everyone else showing up. How am I?

That shift changed more in my life than any piece of advice I ever gave anyone else.

Be honest: do you spend more time thinking about what the people around you should change, or what you should change?

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