Rewarding Yourself Isn’t Selfish

I’ve always been someone who puts myself last, long before I became a mom. Back in the Uni, living in the city away from my parents, I had to stretch my weekly allowance. So I’d rather spend on public transport fare, food, and school materials than do what other students did, like watch a movie or get what was trendy at the time. And when I eventually became a mom, that habit only became stronger. Putting myself last just felt natural. Delayed gratification wasn’t just something I practiced anymore; it became part of my lifestyle.

I have a shopping app on my phone filled with things I want, sometimes over 200 items in my cart, but I never check out unless it’s for my kids or my husband. And when we’re at the mall and I see something I like, I always tell myself, “Next time.” And “next time” means “never mind.”

Most of the things I own now are 5, 10+ years old. I always choose to save first and not spend. Even when something good happens, I don’t reward myself, I just move on.

But a few moments recently made me pause.

Last Mother’s Day, my husband surprised me with a new iPhone. I’ve always been an Android user because iPhones felt too expensive for me. I just need a phone where I can connect with my loved ones, watch a series or a movie, or capture moments with my family, that’s it. And he knows me well. He knew I would wait until my phone was completely beyond repair before I’d ever buy a new one.

Before that, he bought me a pair of On Cloud shoes, my first new pair in a long time. And again, he knew exactly why: I’d rather spend on groceries than buy myself shoes.

Those little moments made me realize something simple:

It’s okay to reward yourself.

It’s not irresponsible.

It’s not too much.

It’s just acknowledging that you matter, too.

Delayed gratification is good, it teaches discipline and priorities.

But putting yourself last all the time isn’t.

You can save and still treat yourself once in a while. You can be practical and still enjoy something new.

You can take care of everyone else without forgetting yourself.

I’m learning that balance.

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