Whatttup my sexy little buttercups. Fuck yes to another week, and fuck yes to another weekly ritual. The rituals that are coming in from rituals that we’ve already established, fuck yes to that. And I’ve been going through a bit of a detoxing journey and introduced some new, I guess, supplements, superfoods into my daily routine, which is then, as we talk about it, it’s not just routine when we do things with intention, and we do things with a bit of a magical spell. It then becomes like a ritual, you know? And the ritual for me is healing my body and healing my inner world and my outer world. And I have been challenged with that. I fucking cannot even begin to tell you. This letter would go on for hours with telling you my challenges in standing up for my health and being my own advocate and speaking for myself, for my truth, for what I know is right. And it’s been a big, big challenge, big lesson of mine in my life to be able to go, no, actually, fuck you. And not fuck you, and I’m gonna keep arguing with you about it, like a fuck you and dead silence. Like, that’s it. I am done now. And I guess that’s really hard, because I want to give people clarity and closure, and I want to be the kind one, and I want to practise being all of that bullshit that takes you away from the actual truth of what is going on. It is not all love and light. It is not all loving kindness. It is not all we’re all friends at kindergarten. Fuck off, cunt. We are not all friends in the world. We’re not all gonna get along, and there is a way of being kind and respectful, even in that mannerism. And I think I just take that too fucking far. I’m too kind about it, you know? And that has put me into really difficult situations, especially with my career, my relationships, and with my health. And I have been challenged in the medical system, and basically the avoidance of people thinking that I am self-diagnosing because I am telling them what’s going on in my life, that then they don’t take that seriously. I live with black mould. That story I had to tell people over and over until it wasn’t a fucking story anymore, and it was the truth for them to hear from me. And they looked at me and went, wow, this is actually the effects of what’s going on from mould in your body. The hair’s gone grey, your teeth’s gone yellow, your nails are all brittle, your skin is dry and falling apart, like you’ve become scales and old, that you’re wrinkled. Like, I have deteriorated like a grape into a raisin because of the mould. It is not normal for a thirty-something-year-old woman to have all these things happen to them unless there is something going on in their environment and their life. I’m not gonna tell you how old I am, queens over here. And I tell you what, there’s all of that going on, everybody. So to stand up for that is really hard. I’ve had challenges in doctors believing me, to then once I’ve got to belief, then I’ve had to move doctors because they can’t do a service that I need. I’ve gone the ring around, a ring around a rosy. And last year, nearly a year ago, I had an incident at work. I hurt myself. I fell over and ended up being sent to hospital with a really sore ankle. Turned out to be extremely sprained, and I’m not gonna go into the details about the foot issue. But what happened was being thrown into workers’ compensation, new doctors, new people questioning about my health, what’s going on. Also, whilst they’re looking at my foot and those issues, I ended up being thrown into many different places, having to repeat tests, repeat tests, and then when that doctor left the surgery, repeat tests with a new doctor, ending up in a doctor’s surgery with probably about three or four different doctors before this woman that I’m now with. And unfortunately for her, as I said to her, I’ve just ended up in your office because that’s just what’s happened within your doctor surgery, within the system here. And it’s unfortunate. And my year-long relationship with her, because obviously she hasn’t left the doctor surgery and I’m stuck with her and she’s stuck with me, has been really fucking hard. Explaining to her everything that’s gone on before the foot incident. We’re focusing on the mould, we’re focusing on the mental health, we’re focusing on the fact that I’ve left a 20-year career due to feeling so overwhelmed, anxious, and incapable of doing what I need to do due to bullying in a workplace, harassment. And I left my career not due to any other reasons besides feeling bullied. Feeling bullied for the foot, feeling bullied for my medical issues, feeling bullied for having undiagnosed endometriosis and then getting pissed off that it’s taking the doctors so long to diagnose me while I’m coming in crying to them about, this is what’s going on. The doctors are just making me go around and around and around. I’m telling them I’ve got period pain. I’m telling them all the truths. These are all the tests they’re making me do. They knew more than what they needed to know, my private information about my health, to then still make decisions and judgments against my work, which, in 20 years of my career, I have never ever done the wrong thing. I’m a goody two-shoes over here and one of the best teachers you’ll ever have if your child’s in my classroom, or even if you’re a parent that’s come into my space, because baby girl, I got you too. The love and passion that I’ve had for my career, it’s huge, huge! And ending up in doctors’ offices because of losing that and having to walk away and say, fuck that, that’s not right for me. I’m getting disrespected. It got to the point that it was spiritual bullying, like just because I believe in one thing, just because I want to bring in that actual science fact information into the classroom and talk about it as educators. Like, fuck you, man. Oh, but we can all talk about mindfulness and breathing. Go fuck yourself. Not the point here. The point here is standing up to this doctor and standing up to my workplace and standing up to all these things. It’s taken time. And I’ve had a whole year of bullshit with this doctor not believing me, even though she was the one in the first place that heard the whole entire story about my mental health breakdown with my workplace, right? And she’s the one that told me that it was actually religious bullying because spirituality is a religion, and it’s a choice of belief, and they’re bullying me against my beliefs, which is illegal, and I shouldn’t return to that workplace. She was the one that encouraged me to resign. So it was just like, bitch, please. You can’t not hear me when I am talking about my mental health when you’re the one that’s discussed this. And I now want to really look at what the fuck’s going on. Is this caused because of my trauma? Is this caused because of my domestic violence? Is this caused because of the mould? Why is my body doing this? Why am I fainting? Why am I having panic attacks all the time? Why do I wet my pants? Why do I do this? Lady, fucking help me, right? And instead of helping, I got turned away and basically told that I need to go get a second opinion on my mental health. And she won’t give me medication. She won’t do any of these things, and she won’t sign anything off for Centrelink. And I’m like, bitch, I’m not on Centrelink. I’m on a fucking mental health payment. I’m actually on an insurance payment from super because I had fucking income protection insurance with my super. So the moment I lost my income, they are now going to protect me because I have that. It’s a legit fucking thing. I left my work, I lost my income due to a medical condition. I did all the right things, and unfortunately the doctor decided that she doesn’t want to be a part of all the right things for me anymore and continue to help me, which made me be like, you know what? I’m leaving. I’m gonna go find a new doctor, a doctor that understands mental health, that understands mould, that understands what I’ve gone through as a person and the impact of that. I even told my current doctor about some of the superfoods that I’ve been taking, like turkey tail and ashwagandha root and moringa, and she looked at me and was like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have any understanding of that. Well, I need my doctor to have an understanding of both sides of it, holistic wellness and what you’re doing, because you are my doorway to go see specialists. Without you, I fucking can’t get anywhere, and I’ve gotten nowhere in a whole year. So yes, standing up for myself this week and becoming my own advocate and becoming my own voice and going from shrinking as a small little girl in that office to, no, I’m a woman. I am a proud person in my mental health state right now. There’s no problem with who I am. There’s a problem with what the fuck is going on for me right now. I’m experiencing this and I’m asking for help, and I will go and get that elsewhere, thank you. So fuck that.