Not long ago, I was introduced to the idea of pronoia — and what I’ve experienced since has honestly put some things in perspective that haven't been before. Pronoia is the belief that life is not conspiring against you, but for you. It’s the opposite of paranoia. And while that may sound abstract or ungodly at first, what I’ve learned is very practical. Very within the realm that God operates in. Here’s the truth most of us don’t want to admit: We’re exhausted not because of what actually happens in our marriage or family but because of what we anticipate might happen. Is pain part of life? Yes. Is pain the whole story? No. Resistance is the problem. In remarriage and blended family life, resistance shows up everywhere. Bracing for conflict Waiting for the next shoe to drop Assuming hard conversations will go badly Expecting ex-related problems to come up Preparing for disappointment before it even arrives I’ve been there. What’s changed is this: I’ve taken responsibility for where my focus goes. I deliberately notice what’s going right. And then I take it one step further... I choose to look at what’s coming and expect God to work in it. Not passively but intentionally. And the result has been surprising. Things that would normally trigger stress, anxiety, or control in me have been… calm. Manageable. Even peaceful. Kinda like another present waiting to be opened. A real example: our house in Idaho is currently under contract. That waiting period, inspections, financing, uncertainty, has always been stressful for me in the past. I could never fully explain why. It just was. This time has been different. Yes, I prayed. But I also made a decision not to live mentally ahead of the process. I chose to believe that God was already present in the outcome. And this has been the smoothest real estate experience I’ve ever had. Here’s what God has been showing me: My mindset sets the tone for everything! For my marriage, my family, my friendships and the outcomes I experience.

I think it s easy to forget that marriage is a representation of Christ and His Bride, the Church. Especially when socks lie on the floor. Dishes go undone. Cardboard lies on the floor, next to the recycling can. Stepkids run their mouths or exes make off-handed comments. At the end of the day they are our person. The one we chose, who chose us in return. We want to ask "are they honoring us?" But are we honoring them. Are we showing Christ in all things? Something to chew on the Christmas Eve.

James 1:19 “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” I feel this one as much as any of you. Those days when I was red-faced and ready to lose my mind. Nose-to-nose talks. Eyes that wander when your speaking. The dumbfounded "I don't know" look. Your not an evil monster. You just need to take a breath. Comment below how you de-escalated yourself and your situation today