8d (edited) • General discussion
Mission Four ~ Pleasure Skills
The third foundational pillar in my work is Pleasure Skills.
Most people don’t struggle with pleasure because they’re broken or disconnected. They struggle because they spend so much time in their heads that it’s hard to stay present in their bodies.
One of the keys to pleasure is confidence .
And confidence is built through competence.
Competence grows through experience.
With touch, that means touching and being touched enough to learn what you’re feeling. Paying attention to sensation. Noticing what feels good, what feels neutral, and what doesn’t. Letting yourself be a little awkward. Trying things that don’t land. Staying curious instead of judging yourself.
Over time, your hands learn.Your body learns.Your confidence grows because you’re familiar, not because you’re perfect.
That’s how competence is built through repetition, attention, and willingness and that’s what makes pleasure feel easier and more natural.
Instead of thinking of pleasure skills as things you have to master, think of them as gifts.
Gifts you give your partner.
Gifts you often enjoy giving.
When pleasure skills are experienced this way, they stop feeling like work or pressure and start feeling like expression. Something you offer because it feels good to offer it.
They’re not about tricks or techniques.They’re about attention, pacing, curiosity, and presence.
Your mission, should you choose to take it
Make a short list of three gifts you have to give.
These aren’t achievements or credentials.They’re the qualities and capacities you bring into connection.
Things like your presence, your warmth, your steadiness, your curiosity, your humor, your attentiveness, your touch, your care.
Let yourself name them without minimizing.
Once you’ve made your list, choose one gift you want to work with more intentionally.
If you tend to overthink or be hard on yourself, notice that this isn’t about fixing anything. You’re not choosing a gift because it’s lacking. You’re choosing it because it’s already there and you want to give it more space.
And you have full permission to look ridiculous, to experiment, and to try things that don’t work out.
That’s part of how confidence is built — through willingness, not polish.
That’s the practice.
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Mission Four ~ Pleasure Skills
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