I cannot believe that it has been 25 days since I last engaged with this process!!! I had reached week 3 and felt so routined and in sync and engrossed with the process that sustaining the engagement felt concretely in place.

And then…….

I needed a private message nudge! And it has been so hard to orientate myself back to the process! But I’m so grateful because I need it desperately - speeding up, rabbit holes, massive shifts … all so positive but the toll on my system, as is repeated and repeated like I will learn the lesson but never do, has been significant. Pushing me into mental illness, the compulsion to just do one more thing, the neglect of working from a place of love and only being in a place of pure, torturous fear.

I have accomplished so much in these 25 days it’s amazing. Yet, have I managed to enjoy and celebrate a single second of it? No…… it has all come and gone, and I’m left suffering and feeling like all I’ve put in place is insurmountable.

I’m grateful though - this is the reality of ADHD and other conditions and being unregulated etc. it comes and bites you on the bum! But. It’s learning. I have the chance to go back over the resources, to reflect now..l haven’t lost anything. It’s okay. I can pull myself back even though I feel I don’t deserve it, and I can make the time. It is the typical case of how learning and healing is not linear.

So, here’s to trooping on!! 🐹❤️