28d • General discussion
Emotional Intelligence & Adaptive Leadership
Today I'd like to share my presentation to my team, this is an important topic that many owners and managers neglect or have not been taught.
If you enjoyed this topic please let me know in the comments.
ARCHITECT HOSPITALITY
Emotional Intelligence & Adaptive Leadership
INTRODUCTION
“Good morning everyone, and thank you for joining me.
Today we’re going to explore one of the core leadership frameworks inside Architect Hospitality — Emotional Intelligence and Adaptive Leadership.
These two skill sets directly define how we communicate, how we support our teams, how we navigate conflict, and ultimately how we create consistent, elevated hospitality across all of our venues.”
CHECK-IN
“Before we start, I’d like to see where everyone’s at.
How familiar are you with Emotional Intelligence and Adaptive Leadership?
a) I’ve never heard of it b) I’ve heard of it but never applied it c) I know the basics d) I’m confident in my understanding
Drop your letter in the chat.”
“Perfect — that helps shape how deep we go today.”
PART 1 — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
“Let’s start with Emotional Intelligence — the foundation of strong leadership.
We follow a five-pillar EI model:
1. Self-Awareness
Understanding your emotions, patterns, triggers, and reactions.
2. Self-Regulation
Choosing calm, controlled responses under pressure rather than reacting emotionally.
3. Motivation
Your internal drive — showing up consistently, driven by pride and standard, not external pressure.
4. Empathy
Recognizing what a team member is feeling, even when they don’t verbalize it.
5. Social Skills
Communication, coaching, conflict management, influence, and relationship-building.
These are not soft skills — they are leadership tools.”
PART 2 — ADAPTIVE LEADERSHIP
“Next, we layer in Adaptive Leadership.
This model teaches that there is no single leadership style that works for every person or every moment.
Great leaders shift between four styles:
1. Directing
Clear instruction, low emotional support — perfect for new or inexperienced staff.
2. Coaching
Still highly involved, but with added encouragement, explanation, and motivation.
3. Supporting
Less direction, more emotional support — used for capable staff who are struggling or inconsistent.
4. Delegating
High trust, high autonomy — for your top performers.
The mark of a strong leader is choosing the style that fits the situation, not defaulting to the same approach for everyone.”
WHY THESE MODELS MATTER
“When EI and Adaptive Leadership work together, your ability to lead improves dramatically.
You understand yourself. You understand the person in front of you. And you choose the leadership approach that supports them without lowering standards.
This is how we reduce conflict, build trust, and elevate team performance.”
**REAL-WORLD CASE STUDY
(The Bartender & POS Conflict Scenario)**
“I want to share a real scenario that perfectly demonstrates why these leadership tools matter — because sometimes what you see on the surface is not the real issue.
We had a new bartender join the team. Excellent skills. Fantastic with guests. Strong track record. But within the first week, there were tensions building.
She was getting frustrated at the POS terminal. She was clashing with staff over small things. She seemed irritated and short-tempered in moments where it didn’t make sense.
Management’s first reaction? ‘Maybe she’s not a fit. Maybe we need to replace her.’
That is a common trap — judging the behavior without understanding the cause.
Instead, I instructed the GM to sit with her one-on-one, calmly and empathetically, and actually listen.
That conversation changed everything.
It turns out she had new hearing aids that were still being adjusted. She was getting unexpected feedback — screeching and sharp noises — every time things got loud or there was audio interference near the POS. Each noise hit her like a shock. Her frustration wasn’t with the team — it was with the physical discomfort she was hiding and trying to push through.
EI helped us recognize something deeper was going on. Adaptive Leadership helped us choose the right approach — supporting, not disciplining.
Instead of writing her off, we gave her:
• Time to adjust her hearing aids • A private space to reset if needed • A one-on-one coaching session to help her integrate into a nightclub environment • Coaching specifically on confidence, presence, and customer attraction in a late-night crowd
What happened next?
Her confidence went up. Her stress went down. Her sales increased. Her tips improved. And she became a valued, loyal member of the team.
The entire trajectory of this employee changed because one leader paused, used EI, asked questions, and led with support instead of judgment.”
THE LESSON
“This is why Emotional Intelligence matters.
This is why Adaptive Leadership matters.
If we had disciplined her or let the frustration grow, we would have lost a great bartender — and she would have left feeling misunderstood and unsupported.
Instead, we gained:
A stronger employee. A more connected team member. Higher sales. Better guest experience. And a powerful example of what real leadership looks like.”
THE ARCHITECT LEADERSHIP STANDARD
“At Architect Hospitality, our leadership standard is:
• Stay self-aware • Regulate your emotions • Approach people with curiosity, not assumptions • Support without lowering the bar • Address issues early, privately, and respectfully • Adjust your leadership style based on the person • Look for underlying causes, not just surface behavior • Build people, don’t break them • Coach toward success • Create environments where staff feel safe, supported, and capable
We don’t react — we understand. We don’t judge — we investigate. We don’t assume — we adapt.”
CLOSING
“Thank you all for your time and attention today.
Emotional Intelligence and Adaptive Leadership aren’t theories — they’re everyday tools that shape our culture, reduce turnover, grow performance, and turn potential problems into success stories.
If you’d like this as a PDF, or if you want this turned into a training handout for your team, I can prepare that immediately.
Let’s keep raising the standard together.”
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Emotional Intelligence & Adaptive Leadership
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