I believe there are three kinds of stress: Green, Yellow, Red. When we experience yellow or red stress, what are we trying to get back to (answers below). But first, let’s define green, yellow, and red stress: Green stress motivates us. Think: chasing a goal. Real-World Example: I want to be able to do pull-ups in my 50’s 60’s and 70s. For me, the stress of training for this is motivating. Yellow stress annoys us. Think: adulting. Real-World Example: The kids need to get off to school. There is a list of errands to do today. Who is making dinner? The insurance bill is due in two days, etc. For me, the stress of doing things I don’t care about is annoying. Red stress hurts. Think: at capacity, little left to give. Real-World Example: Co-workers or bosses are moody. Management is not meeting team needs. This is creating more work. And, that work is not supporting the main thing. Instead, it’s creating bureaucracy. So, when we experience yellow or red stress, what are we trying to get back to? I propose we want to feel more renewal (recovered capacity). We want connection (a state of trust). We want strength (a really effective response). We can trade yellow or red stress for Renewal, Connection, and/or Strength. Then, our mindsets are lighter, our relationships are deeper, and our work means more in our soul. The map of skills for stress is our path to renewal, connection, and strength. Any one or two skills helps us avoid getting lost when that yellow or red stress shows up. I recommend starting with The Meaning Cheat Sheet Skill here. Then, pick one more skill. Try it out in the next 24 hours. Did either skill help you move from yellow or red stress to green? Share your experience here or send me a message. We can transform stress, together!

When stress shows up, we feel it. Yet, stress can be hard to define. What I experience as stress you may experience as excitement (or vice versa). Not sharing a common stress definition makes understanding someone else's stress harder. Why does this matter? Keep reading. I discovered two useful stress definitions. 1) Stress: the body's non-specific response to any demand. The demand can be good (think: gym workout or crossword puzzle) (source - Stress.org) 2) Stress: what happens when something you care about is at stake (source - Kelly McGonigal) Here's why this matters: When we understand different people experience stress in different ways, we can help them Transform Stress. We can listen, reflect with them, and reframe the demand/event so they feel renewal, connection, or strength again. Example: I had a friend worried about time. This person's calendar was full of tasks and events leaving little room for themselves. About 80% of these time demands were for other people: kids, career, life admin. Keeping up was tough. With no "way out," this friend felt increasing stress. Then, we were having coffee one morning. I quickly attuned to his stress: he was talking fast, a bit frantic in movement, and easily distracted. Knowing fitness was important to this person, I asked, "What's your favorite gym routine right now?" The response: quiet, still, face turning red. He hadn't been to the gym in almost a month (this is someone who routinely hit the gym 3 to 5 times a week... it's a need for him). When I could define stress, I could "see" the calendar time demands were moving his stress meter into the red (quiet, stillness, red face... definition 1 above). I could "see" what he cared about (hitting the gym routinely, fitness, health), was at stake... definition 2 above). When I could "see" these things, I could respond in ways that fostered renewal, connection, strength (pun intended). I could listen better (think: sit there and really hear him). I could relate deeper (think: reflect back what that demand must feel like). I could dance between friend and coach (think: he feels less alone and he feels supported, guided, and responsible to hit the gym again).

We each experience stress differently. After years of studying stress, its impact seems to boil down three feelings. Which feeling do you experience when stress shows up?

The CLASSROOM now has 12 lessons with the skills to transform stress. Just one or two of these skills helps me transform stress into Renewal, Connection, or Strength. If you want more of this in your days, relationships, or life... these skills can help. Two of my favorite skill are the: Meaning Cheat Sheet Skill Q & A Decisions Skill I they are useful for you today. -Tom

If we could measure your stress, where would you land? Red? Yellow? Green? Zero stress is bad. Tons of stress is hurts. Somewhere in between is a “green zone” where stress empowers us. We feel renewal, connection, or strength after a stressful event. But, we will drift outside of that green zone. It's normal. So, how can we get back into the green easily and quickly? Here's the fastest path I know of today: choose to respond to the stress in a helpful way. Example: work, family, life is overfilling my calendar. No sweat, I'm learning how to prioritize. Example: someone is short, rude, yelling at me. Alrighty, I might be a person they can trust to vent in that moment. (important: this isn't being a doormat, rather it might be a mental fitness test to expand boundaries) Example: money is tight, but a surprise expense popped up (car repair, medical bill). OK, whew, I can figure this out... there is always a way through these situations. Choosing to respond to stress in a helpful way is the first New Skill for Stress. I call it The Meaning Cheat Sheet. This skill is about choosing a new belief about the stressful event, feeling, situation. It's not an "easy out." It's not a half-truth. To get back into the green zone of stress, I choose to replace an unhelpful belief with a new, useful belief. Question: What is one stressful event, feeling, or situation pushing you into yellow or red stress right now that could use a new meaning?