Imagine going out and shaking hands, slapping high-fives, hugs, head nods, verbal, greetings all over the place everywhere you go… especially to perfect strangers. Just giving and acknowledging to tons of people no matter where you are. That is social warmth. Effortless warmth is a concept I’m meditating on these days. The idea is to strengthen your social warmth muscle so much that it’s very natural and effortless to be warm nearly all the time. I believe that to be genuinely warm, you need a dose of each of these: vulnerability, sincerity, curiosity, and generosity. All of these are very positive traits, and with them, everyone wins. Fear has no place here.

This is my experience from months and months of testing. Sometimes they can only handle a minute, sometimes they would be happy chatting for a while and sometimes only 30 seconds is enough. I’m finding, more and more, people crave interaction. The way and style that you approach always matters, of course. I have several stories of asking to sit with random strangers, where at first they were seemingly reluctant and uninterested. But…. Then after breaking through their guard, I couldn’t get them to shut up. It was cute. My point is, it’s very safe to approach and generally welcomed.

When you get further into your social courage journey, here’s an opportunity that so many people miss out on: You know that girl that you find attractive that’s sitting with that guy? Or that guy you find attractive sitting beside a girl? You want to meet the person, but there’s no point because they’re together. Guess what though? Those people aren’t always a couple! Many times, they are just brother and sister, or friends, or they just met there. So many people are afraid to approach couples because they think that they are romantically involved. Take the chance! You’re safe and it’s worth it.

Studies say to make your goal small. Also, make it seem like you’ve partly made progress and the social goal will feel much easier. It’s the momentum and Example: Goal - to meet one new person tomorrow Process - any micro-action will work: -stand near your target -nod and smile at your target -hold eye contact for several seconds -say hi Research showed that car wash customers who collected stamps toward a free wash were more likely to complete their stamp card and faster than the other the other group. The difference? The fast group had to get 10 washes but they were given 2 free stamps. The slow group had a stamp card of only 8 spots but didn’t get any “head start.” Same stamps needed, but the fast group felt they were already partially finished.

You’re shy, you’re overwhelmed on how to get started, you’re afraid of running out of things to say, you’re afraid of getting rejected… Just say hi!! That’s where it all can start, with that simple utterance. In the beginning, just worry about getting used to saying “hi” all over the place. When you’re comfortable with that, add onto it and make that your new normal. When you’re comfortable with that, add onto it. Repeat. Imagine your new baseline (new normal) after doing a bunch of mini interactions for awhile. Then imagine what you’ll be like for doing it longer! Baby steps. Get exposure with baby steps.