From painful addiction to sorrowful sobriety Moment by moment Living in grievous shadows to light I cannot fathom Moment by moment Slip up by slip up to say “recovery isn’t liner” Moment by moment From drunken stumbles and rage fueled angst To silent dark night tears Moment by moment They always told me it gets better when you get sober Maybe situations but not the feeling we carry Addiction isn’t about the substance it’s about the pain we attempted to bury

Losing my mind piece by piece to seclusion “Im sorry but thank you” Thinking of permanent darkness surrounded by my sin “I’m sorry but thank you” The word forbidden by internet means crowding my brain as voices tell me my worthless nature “I’m sorry but thank you” I see the ghosts outside my vision getting I closer and closer as the walls melt “I’m sorry but thank you” Leaving the darkness always known to be present isn’t escape it’s leaving to it someone else who no longer had the breath to say I need you

Snow falls carrying the promise of my last name Lost to time are the sentences of grace upon another Left behind to aggravation and disloyalty Hatred and blindness took me instead I became what I feared and you became lost to me To me it was a game to you it was final To me I had time to you it was time Alcoholism brought us to the end of the line While it always stayed by my side to the end of mine

When that day comes No surprise will arise Shock factor will remain with a hint of knowing A silent remembrance to smiles that faded Grayer skies and dying roses Rain drops like Anvils on the skin of those who called me important My soft pale face eyes closed hands crossed Finally at peace I will be The battle will finally be called over Somewhere my being smiles When that day comes Don’t cry for the vessel Rejoice for the shameless soul

Turned words Into weapons so many times on drunken impulse But I love you Separation from our fading pact we called loyalty within two steps of our rooms But I love you Lost in time of reminisce haunted by chaos Crossed eyed and blind But I love you No fuse to hold my candle of rage down tight Loss of being and loss of place But I love you Slammed on my chest by boys in blue Drunken steps and hateful comments But I love you.....