I’ve been numbing out for too long. Hiding behind feel-good Christian worship songs, and church routines that made it look like everything was okay when, deep down, I was hurting and bleeding. The truth is, I was searching for validation from other believers. Hoping that doing all the “right” Christian things would somehow make me feel whole. But recently, a song by Eminem that he wrote for his daughter stopped me in my tracks. It reopened a wound I thought had healed and helped me see that so much of my pain comes from the emptiness left by an absent father. I’ve been looking for what only God could give me in people and in church. But I don’t need validation from the church anymore...that shipped has sailed. I’ve already been validated by God ...fully seen, fully known, and fully loved by my Heavenly Father. We can play church all day long, follow every tradition, and say all the right things, but what if church was never meant to be the man-made version we’ve built? What if “doing church” is really about living out love beyond the four walls!!!! Where real people, real pain, and real healing actually happen!!!! This isn’t me losing faith... I'M HAVING AN HONEST REALIZATION. It’s me learning to feel again, to stop pretending I’m okay WHEN I'M NOT!!! I'm not going to hell just because I don't fit the perfect Christian narrative. LETTING God’s love touch the deepest parts of my heart is the only way to true freedom... no religious garbage.

Sometimes a sense of superiority can creep into our relationships, where we start seeing ourselves as better than our spouse. We can then begin praying from that superior position, seeking God to change them and help them get better, so they can be more like what we want them to be. God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble. A sense of superiority is only remedied with humility. Without humility, God will resist the very prayers we pray for our spouse to change.

He wants the thickest/fullest air mattress underneath him. If it isn’t full of air, it’s much easier to do damage and get unnecessarily injured. It’s similar in marriage. When someone messes up, which we all do, they are going to land somewhere. Sometimes they land on a huge, soft, full air mattress. Other times, it’s not so full. What do you think fills up the air mattress?

I encountered a belief this week by others that I recognized I had at one time myself. I want to share it here as we make space to learn from Seth, his courses and each other. In case this is coming up against you as well! Let me know your thoughts and if you encountered this thought yourself. :) "I cannot focus on myself, that is selfish... God asked me to lay down my life and give it all for Him and I need to sacrifice myself to do this". I see a lot of potential truth in this statement, but wrapped up in a box of misunderstanding. Let's start with a foundation: 1. The two commandments in our covenant (with Jesus), "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself". These both carry a lot of US, YOU and ME. We need to be able to know what is our heart or soul and how do we love the Lord with all of THAT part of us? It doesn't mean works and doing good, so what is it? It's the inner world that God cares about. Matthew 15:18-19 There's also "loving our neighbor as ourself". There is a reason it doesn't say love our neighbor as OURSELVES. I love this alone as it supports the effort and care that God has for us to be WHOLE within and to be able to shine WITHOUT. ❤️

I'm battling alot of anger 😠 😡 I seriously don't know what to do. I have tried everything to get rid of it... but it's still there in my marriage.