I knew you were going to say that

@Laura Harris

@Sean and Mendy Ruthrauff unless we’re talking about leftovers… as a cleaner, that’s my roll (get it?! 🥐)!

Hey Paul, First off, I want to sincerely apologize for missing this post a month ago. I hate that you’ve been sitting in this feeling alone for that long, but I’m glad I’m seeing it now. Man, I can feel the weight of this. Being served papers and living in the same house, in separate rooms, is an incredibly high-stress environment. I remember the panic when things felt like they were spinning out of control and the legal process was moving forward. Here is the hard truth. Right now, trying to "work out issues" when she isn't ready is likely pushing her further away. You are in a cycle of disconnect and distortion, and forcing conversation right now often leads to destruction. Here is some triage advice: 1. Stop the Pursuit. You mentioned she “doesn’t care to discuss anything.” That is her setting a boundary. If you keep pushing to talk, you are violating that boundary. We learned that when a spouse says "No" or pulls away, the most loving thing you can do is honor their reality without defensiveness. Stop trying to fix the marriage verbally right now. Your words are done; now your actions must become the message. 2. Establish Rules of Engagement. Since arguments are the default right now, you need to set safety rules for yourself. If a conversation escalates or becomes unsafe (yelling, sarcasm, contempt), you need to politely disengage. Use a "Time Out." You don't need her permission to protect your peace. If an interaction gets heated, simply say, "I want to hear you, but I can't do it calmly right now. I'm going to take a break.". 3. Focus on Yourself. You feel stuck because you are waiting on her to change the dynamic. But you can only control you. In our Self-Care Protocol, we talk about putting on your own oxygen mask first. 4. Play the Long Game. The court dates move fast, but restoration moves at the speed of trust. I had to learn that rebuilding trust isn't about a magic conversation; it's about consistent behaviors over time. Since it has been a month since you posted this, how is the atmosphere in the house right now? Has the tension settled, or has it ramped up?