Easter eggs broke my heart as a kid. When you're neurospicy literal with absolutely everything, and the packaging says 'Mars Easter Egg', then what is inside that box should be a massive mars bar, just seasonally made into the shape of an egg. Imagine the utter, gut wrenching disappointment...and Jesus died for that shit. Horriffic.

"Westward Ho! Massive Let Down" which I dont understand because: ● It is the only place in the UK with an exclamation mark on the end of it's name. ● It is the home of potwalloping - a community activity which involves putting some rocks on top of a pile of other rocks then having a party about it. ● It has bingo by the beach and last time I went I won a can of air freshner. ● If you want a confidence boost, a man in his 60s with a massive mullet and green neon tie will definitely chat you up at the bar at the Fairway Buoy, no matter who you are. ● The fresh dinky doughnuts are hotter than the sun and have enough sugar to put you in a diabetic coma. ● The village butchers sells the maddest flavour sausages including one called the Paddington that has marmalade in it. ● Most caravans fly the Devon flag, with additional clear instructions on how to load your scone with 'cream first'. ● All 'light bites' on any menu contain about half a kilo of local cheddar cheese. ● Most people sit on the beach eating a dominos. ● The ice cream van does cones.. or you can buy it by the litre!

Pamplemousse...gets me every time

@Marc Meakin oh flannel for sure!

Geography for me. I wanted to learn all about the world and where places were but instead I was learning about tidal erosion and slums in Brazil. I shit you not, one of the questions in our mock GCSE exam was 'Where would you find corner shops situated?'. So I can tell my urban conurbations from my central business districts but I honestly thought, until quite recently, that Bengal was in Ireland because to me it sounded like Donegal. My mum asked me if I had given the tigers any thought in this, but I'm a compartmentaliser, and honestly tigers can live where they want, it's none of my business.

@Marc Meakin logarithms are the motivational work songs that lumberjacks sing.

I was bought a trip to Rome and he didnt check until 2 days before if I had a valid passport! I didn't. We spend a weekend doing stuff in London instead where he looked dissaponted and distainful the entire time. We're not together.