Public Spaces : Flight or Slay
I remember the version of me who would tremble before stepping out the door in a skirt. Iโd sit in the car trying to talk myself into going inside. Iโd hide in bathrooms and cry, then wipe my face and try again after reapplying makeup for the 30th time. Any laugh nearby felt like it had my name on it. Any glance felt like a judgment. It was the kind of attention that makes you feel small, not seen. And hereโs the wild part: I wanted to blend inโฆ but I was also wearing bold makeup, bright eyeshadow, rainbow outfitsโlike I was lit up on purpose. Looking back, maybe I was. Maybe I was trying to force the world to notice me in a way that felt safe. Maybe I was just desperate for validation, because I truly needed it. Over time, I started making different choices. Not โbetterโ in some moral wayโjust choices that actually fit me. I got more comfortable in my everyday clothes. I softened my look. I stopped performing and started existing. Somewhere in that shift, I found peace. Now, if someone wants to be weird about the fact that I was AMAB, thatโs their problem to carry. I donโt chase their approval anymore. I focus on the people who smile, who treat me normally, who make space for me as a person. The negativity doesnโt get to rent a room in my head. Itโs a small, steady kind of powerโself-worth. Confidence. A quiet โI belong here.โ And itโs been one of the sweetest things about becoming myself.