@Wayne Nadler wonderful insights and this is exactly how you know you're in the process of internalizing kenjutsu. As your kenjutsu instructor, I can see it week after week. As with most things in life, it's difficult for us to truly know whether we're progressing or how much we're progressing until our training gets pressure tested. As martial artists, we talk about the need to pressure test our art, but that conversation seems to always revolve around levels of resisting opponents. Of course, I agree with that, but I also think there are plenty of opportunities to use our training just by going about our day and bumping up against challenges, like you had with the heavy lift. To stay on topic with the thought of the day, failure can be the best teacher. I absolutely love what you said about the value in practice not being that we'll master something or even succeed at it, but the attitude and knowing you're the kind of person who comes to the fight or challenge armed with the right attitutude, is priceless.