One of biggest obstacles I face in my great chapter of life is coming home from an amazing weekend feeling accomplished in like I made a difference like I did this past weekend. And realizing that\nOne of the people you want to be most proud of you.\nDoesn't really understand what you do or why you do it in more ways than one. And you start questioning yourself is that you're proud in realizing, they may not be and having to accept that and just put on a face move on and keep going

This weekend I was the team un jacksonville for the start of our racing season and my mom who lives a few hours away came to spend the weekend with me and step out on her first race course. So not only did I get to work on this season's goal, (making adaptive ocr more visible). But I got to help my achieve something she didn't she could, complete an obstacle course race. And she got see and fully understand why racing is now a huge part of my life. My blood family collided with my chosen family. And the became one. Here's the moral of the story. People change so don't be afraid to show the person you're becoming. And don't be afraid to learn who that new person is if you're watching someone change

Lately, the day-to-day struggle has been overwhelming. I’ve been dating someone I care about for over a year, and I’m currently living with her and our two small dogs in her condo here in Wisconsin. But last night something hit hard: she got upset about my job situation and everything I still need to do. And the truth is, I’ve been battling something I don’t know how to fully explain. I struggle with task paralysis. When too many things are added to my plate, or when someone keeps telling me what I should be doing, something inside me freezes. I’ve even learned there’s a term for it — pathological demand avoidance — where the more pressure I feel, the harder it becomes to take action. My girlfriend is a planner. A micromanager. She means well, but when she starts going over my “to-do list” and adding more items, my brain sends out a panic alarm. I feel the anxiety rising, even though I’ve gotten very good at hiding it. She keeps explaining why I should have no excuse not to get things done… but that only makes it worse. I know what I need to do. I know the steps I need to take for me. But sometimes it feels like the more pressure I get, the more I shut down. And that’s when the dark thoughts try to creep in. Not actions — I’m completely safe — but the “Why bother? Why try? Why am I here?”kind of thoughts that come from feeling overwhelmed and not good enough. The truth is, life has hit me hard the last few years. I lost my marriage, my home, my family, and my career identity. I’m trying to rebuild. I’m starting over. And I’m doing it while trying to find a new career after 20 years as a data engineer — a field that has changed so much that I feel like a relic sometimes. I haven’t updated my cloud skills, and I’ve been out long enough that rejection feels like the only thing I’m being trained for. I can’t control who calls me for an interview. I can only control the applications I send. But every application feels like another chance to be told “no,” and that wears on you.

Not going to lie This weekend was rough while I'm looking for a job ive been helping a buddy build an adaptive personal training business. And this week someone called me a rookie just because someone doesn't agree with an exercise choice

We’re excited to say that our Hope Dealers Connect community is growing — we now have 18 people here. That means 18 humans choosing healing, connection, and a place where hope can breathe a little easier. Whether you’re here to learn, listen, ask questions, grow, or simply have somewhere safe to land on the hard days, you belong here. Take your time settling in. Explore the Classroom if you’d like a free course to start with, or just hang out quietly and observe — both are welcome. If you’d like to introduce yourself, there’s a space for that in “Start Here" or right on this post! If not, that’s okay too. Healing has its own pace. We’re glad you’re here. Your presence matters. Let’s keep building this together. @Zach Wilkes @Tyra Gruizinga @Sara Adams @Pj Crouch @Carlos Segnini @Jennifer Tozzo @Julie Adelman @Matt Smith @Michelle McGlamory @Kaiimi Killock @Brittany Jones @Dan McDonald