This is beautiful and something I am actively trying to do. I've always wanted to have a true meditation practice, but often felt it was forced. Recently I've learned an extremely simple way to keep myself engaged while meditating without feeling like I was forcing some external belief system into my psyche. I am understanding it now as a motivation instead of a task and that reframe is huge. I like the context you provide. You absolutely do need to fight like hell. It's so hard and just learning what your cues actually are can take years, decades even. I am so grateful to be delving into this journey on a platform like this. There are so many people here who want to help others expand their journey and establish meaning in their lives. Its powerful! Thank you for this post @Zakia Ahm

@Zakia Ahm I am blown away by your response and feel rude for bursting into the comments the way I did. Thank you for your grace and such kind heartedness-- I don't even know what to say! I am learning a lot about this pain as you say. Anger is pain and I have some from long ago. I have some from very recently. It's a sorting process. I did the same as you and intellectualized everything, thinking that I had a handle on it all. I would sit with myself and analyze and analyze and analyze. There was good that came out of that, but I wasn't learning how to just let things go. If anything I was making their significance resonate more within me. I was taking the trauma, the anger, the whatever and making the focus of all my attention. It never occurred to me that maybe this was more counterproductive than beneficial. We all need to vent. Venting is the first stage of healing.But when you vent about something for 10 years? You're not learning. You're getting in your own way. I am reading Letting Go by David Hawkins and listening to an audiobook breaking down Buddhism. I am learning about so many things but most significantly something called the emotional hierarchy. In all my analyzing, never did I think about what the emotions are or how they impact how you behave and react to everything around you! It's simple but extremely powerful. Thank you again for your beautiful words and sentiments. ☺️

@Zakia Ahm I just have to say, I didn't watch your video until after my last comment and wow it was amazing. It was also surreal because as I was watching you, I saw your comment to me come up! You are doing something so important. Your talking into the camera felt like you were talking to me. But I imagine it feels like that to whoever is watching. They won't find it unless they are looking for it. I resonated deeply with everything you were saying. I especially liked the analogy of the sine wave bouncing between good enough and not good enough and leveling out into a harmonious line. Pretty powerful to think we are all experiencing this together. The secularism of todays society I think has left many spiritually ravenous. This coming together now is no coincidence. I believe so much in everything you are saying. You put it in words I havent heard before so thank you for that. Whether or not I planned for it, I believe in the beginning stages of shedding the intellect. Really working on myself to evolve. Buddhism helps me place the phenomena as they arise. Suffering causes one to look inward. We cannot understand the significance and power and love of something without first feeling suffering to appreciate those things. I am not a Buddhist but I think the teachings are profound. Thank you again. I feel deep love emanating from you. I treat your words with great significance.

@Michael Rizk yes haha I should update my bio. I had a tiktok last year that was just a fun outlet. Very NYC centric actually. The kids stuff is my real focus. I am all about helping parents be more conscious by engaging their kids with art learning. I have a six year old and have been in the art world for 15 years, so this is a natural outlet for me. I really want to help trend the conversation around education to be student led learning. I champion the idea there is major educational paradigm shift happening right now.

@Michael Rizk amazing thank you for the rec! I love anything in this arena so exciting to learn about it!