The "it's fine, I'll figure it out" or the "I'm fine" mask. I'm awful at saying "no" (apart from to my kids - the last ppl who I should be saying it to, at least not so habitually!), so take on way too much and don't give myself time to do anything for myself. Or I do, but that runs me into late nights and groggy mornings. A big work-on for me has been advocating for myself. I've always been good at championing others' causes, but have been pretty terrible speaking up for myself. Growing up in a very typical, stoic, stiff-upper-lip English household, I was always very well loved and looked after, but I was also modelled the behaviour of just keeping quiet and getting on with it, whatever 'it' was, rather than pushing back and questioning things (especially not "authority"!). My parents were born into households struggling to recover after WW2, so the old adage of "mustn't grumble", "oh well, could be worse" was rife in their upbringing, and so it carried onto me. Even now, when I mention issues I'm experiencing in life to my parents during Facetime chats, their default response is often "oh well, at least [enter empty comparison to other people who are worse off than you here]" rather than validating that shit is hard sometimes. But that's ok, I don't need to hear that from them anymore. I can tell myself (plus my wife's amazing at all this stuff, as she's been on her own journey for way longer than I). But speaking up for myself is super awkward for me and something I am starting to work on. Excited to see where it leads me!

My over committing to things other than myself leads inevitably to burnout. I end up procrastinating over making the changes in my career that I've been so keen to take a step with for several years now. And that in turn leads to me wanting to disconnect from that harsh reality, that I'm nowhere near fulfilling the potential I know that I have. I disconnect at the end of the day, once the kids are in bed, mainly through cannabis. I took a break at the start of the year (along with booze, which I haven't consumed since mid-November), and that felt good, however it's slowly but surely crept back into daily life. The cannabis itself isn't the worst, it's just that when I'm high my self restraint goes out the window and I end up eating a ton of food late at night, stay up way later than I need (or want) to, and so comes the cycle of waking up unrefreshed, sometimes a little grumpy, certainly with less energy or motivation to take on the day with two young boys and a demanding job (that I loathe). I've had the excuse that I've been the sole provider in our house for several years now, and the logistics of changing career is super daunting, but I know things need to change and I need to do something that lights me up. I need my boys see their father doing something that lights me up. And doesn't take so much of my time and energy away from being with them. So I am committing to making some small steps that will pave the way towards a different career and a different life.

@Jan Hetges feel ya brother. I too have this tendency to take on tasks, maybe too readily, thinking I have time/capacity to do so, but often fall short because reality is different to my blind optimism!

My story is that I am indecisive and avoid hard things/decisions to the point where I leave things to the last minute or worse, never follow through. This leaves me stuck in whichever rut I find myself, or having missed opportunities to make positive change in my life. So I end up feeling like I have so much unfulfilled potential. So I end up not trusting myself to make changes. I’ve also struggled in the past to advocate for myself if that meant being able to avoid conflict with others. Very much raised in the mould of not wanting to be an imposition to others, to the detriment of my own desires. This I’ve worked on recently and have improved, but I find nyself slipping into old habits easily.