This is such a point for consideration, thank you for sharing! A realisation that had a big impact on me and how I manage conflict is separating the outcome or event at hand from the long-term relationship. I found myself sacrificing outcomes that I wanted in order to maintain peace within relationships. This actually had a negative impact on my ability to build relationships, and my ability to get the outcomes I wanted, so it was lose/lose. What I realised is that relationships are long-term engagements with many touch points. Having tension within these engagements is okay, and in fact, working through tension in a way that is honest and respectful can strengthen the relationship. Untangling the event from the relationship helps me to gain clarity about what needs to be done in relation to the event, and what needs to be done to continue to build the relationship. Hope this makes sense.