We often think behaviour is about attitude, personality, or choice. But for many people with adverse childhood experiences, what looks like “overreaction” is often a nervous system response to something that feels unsafe, threatening, or too familiar. If you work with people, lead people, coach people, or support people in any way, learning to notice triggers is one of the most useful skills you can develop. Not because it makes you walk on eggshells. But because it helps you respond with more accuracy, less judgement, and far better results. What is a trigger? A trigger is not just “something annoying”. It is something that activates a person’s emotional memory, threat system, or protective response. For someone with adverse childhood experiences, the trigger may be linked to past experiences of fear, shame, unpredictability, rejection, criticism, control, or powerlessness. That means the present moment may be activating an old wound. And once that happens, the person may stop responding to what is happening now and start responding to what it reminds them of. Common triggers to watch for Triggers are not always dramatic. In fact, they’re often subtle. Here are some of the most common ones: - A sharp tone of voice. - Feeling ignored or dismissed. - Being interrupted. - Sudden change. - Being told what to do. - Public correction. - Being watched too closely. - Unclear expectations. - Waiting without information. - Feeling trapped or cornered. - Being compared to others. - Sarcasm, criticism, or humiliation. What matters is not whether the trigger seems “small” to you. What matters is what it means to the person. The signs someone may be getting triggered A person does not always say, “I’m triggered.” Often, you’ll notice it in their behaviour. They may: - go quiet, - become defensive, - raise their voice, - talk faster, - fidget, - avoid eye contact, - shut down, - laugh nervously, - become controlling, - leave the room, - or suddenly seem argumentative.

Most people try to win the argument. The ones who actually de-escalate try to lower the temperature first. Here's a simple 7-step framework for turning tense conversations into cooperative ones — useful whether you're in housing, coaching, leadership, or frontline work.

One surprising tip when dealing with challenging behaviour in someone with ACEs: don’t rush to solve the problem. That sounds counterintuitive, especially in frontline services where pressure is high and the situation feels urgent. But when someone has lived through adverse childhood experiences, their nervous system may already be in threat mode. If you move too quickly into logic, solutions, or correction, you can accidentally increase the sense of danger. The surprising tip is this: Slow the moment down first. Before you explain, correct, or problem-solve: - Lower your voice. - Reduce the pace. - Give a bit more space. - Acknowledge the feeling. - Offer one simple choice. Why does this work? Because behaviour is often protection, not defiance. When people feel threatened, their thinking brain goes offline faster than we expect. If we want calmer conversations, we have to help reduce the threat first. In care, housing, and homelessness services, that one shift can change the whole interaction. Not because it fixes everything immediately.But because it creates enough safety for the next step. Calm first. Clarity second. Solutions after regulation. That’s often the difference between escalation and connection.

I've just finished putting together something I wish I'd had when I first started working in frontline services. It's a practical workbook called: Situational Awareness During Challenging Behaviour And it's completely free for members of this community. Here's what's inside: ✅ What situational awareness actually means in high-pressure moments ✅ The early warning signs most people miss ✅ What staff do (without realising) that makes situations worse ✅ A small-step de-escalation sequence you can use right now ✅ A personal triggers check — because your state matters too ✅ An after-action review template to learn from every difficult interaction ✅ A personal action plan you can fill in and keep It's built on one core principle from the MINDSPACE framework: Behaviour is communication. Before you manage the behaviour, understand the risk. Whether you work in care, housing, homelessness, education, or any role where you face challenging behaviour — this workbook is for you. 👇 Drop a comment below — Martin #deescalation#frontlineworkers#situationalawareness

I’ve uploaded a practical workbook for coaches, managers, and frontline staff who want to respond more calmly, clearly, and safely when someone is distressed. This workbook focuses on: - De-escalation with people who have experienced adversity or trauma. - Understanding fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses. - What helps reduce threat and preserve dignity. - Simple phrases and scripts you can use in real conversations. - A clear action plan to take the learning into practice. - The core message is simple: behaviour is communication. Before you try to manage the behaviour, help regulate the nervous system. If you work in care, housing, homelessness, or any frontline setting where emotions can run high, this is designed to give you something practical you can actually use.