This is not the full poem and since the app isn't letting me copy it fully I just took so screenshot. I wanted to shared it here with everyone as this platform is flooding with so many wonderful women and I want them to see the beauty within themselves, the way I see it. ❤️

So I've decided to make this challenge for myself to incorporate the traits within me that has helped me before or something that I tasted before. I have 5 core traits that I've picked, although I'm on and off there, I'd like to embody them completely until it becomes as effortless as breathing, a part of my existence. I also feel this is the core of every other goals I've set for 2026. Because when I've that self concept, I will definitely do amazing at other things as well. So I've picked 1 week for each trait and I will completely focus on that. For the first week my goal is being present. Like really present in the body, the environment and not the mind. I'd invite you guys to join this as well if it looks tempting to you and let me know. You can find your own traits that you want to embody. Today is day 2 of 1st week.

I sometimes feel like I've lost a huge chunk of my life behind wrong decisions due to parental pressure and myself as well. Most of my friends are successful in job but what am I doing. Sometimes it feels so difficult to break the cycle of old patterns while living in the same space. Like I need way too much of strength, will power to go against myself. I cannot move out as well due to finances. I want to take steps towards what I want but I don't exactly know how to get there. I've always been the alienated one, the excluded one who couldn't relate or others couldn't relate. I kept healing myself and in that journey I am left with 0 human friends for now. Even if I feel I got some people to talk, I quickly realize how superficial it is for most people, how people don't feel interested in my topic of interests like Philosophy, spirituality etc. I am ok with it when I'm at my zone. I keep maintaining but somehow if I snap out of it for 1-2 days I somehow gets slipped into the old pattern little by little. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so useless sometimes. Like I want to do those things so bad but it's like the whole environment is working against you so you need too much of will power. And also I need to proper direction but not sure what can I do. I've learnt a lot of lessons in my life when it comes to healing myself. I want to share it with the world, Don’t know how. Then I see how people my age are so successful, doing great jobs in the field they study in. While I was stuck with a sub bcz my parents didn't give me much choice and I wasted so much of my years to understand and reinvent myself. It's an concoction of so many feelings... ugh...

During periods your emotions are already high and living in a toxic household makes you so fucking overwhelmed. In India there's so sense of privacy in family. It's so normalized and pathetic. I had to fight for the basic things to get where I am today, otherwise they wouldn't even spare me the time to do meditation and kept knocking the door. I can't sleep till late peacefully since my body needs rest because my biological mother will come and be so fucking loud while doing puja. Puja room is surrounding the room I'm staying. At night I can't sleep early either because they watch tv and the volume isn't always bearable. Everytime I will have to go and decrease it. They'll not do even if I ask them. My biological father is a smoker and he will smoke inside the bathroom or just outside the main door many times. I as a health conscious person, I've never had Alcohol in my life, I stay away from sugar, refine flour, etc, then to inhale all these toxins? These are just the minimal day to day things I'm talking about. They've done such horrible things that I've forgiven them for. But sometimes it just hits so bad. I want to get out of here now, asap. I'm at a position in my career like this, also thanks to them. I wish I was a rebel since my childhood. Idk what's your age. If you’re reading this and a teenager or younger, please understand that your parents don't know everything, they don’t understand everything, they are NOT always right like they try to portray. Listen to yourself first, evaluate, consider their opinion but decide for yourself. And think for your career from now. Specifically if you're a woman. I know they don't encourage you. Specifically in some countries, they brainwash us into the anyway you'll get married shit. NO!!! You'll be prioritizing your career, find your life purpose and live your dream life. Brainwash yourself into believing that since your age. I wish somebody told this to me when I was young. But it's ok, I am telling you this so you don't waste years of your life because of your parents.

As I'm lying on my bed… the first day of period comes with uninvited guest named “cramps” yk. It feels dreadful to not be able to study even though my exam is approaching, somehow, I still feel grateful. May be its not the most conducive time for me but during period when you move a little closer to stillness feel your body, whether it's pain or any kind of sensation, you let your emotions flow, you reach a different kind of stillness so effortlessly Other days would require more efforts to be there. Trust me, next time you when get your period, try this.