I was just standing there. Apart of me was God has already saved you I don’t need this anymore another part of me was like I need this I feel deprived whatever whatever. I remember my mom knocking on the door while I was doing whatever. I’ll be so honest confessing hurts I’ve got to stop sinning. While I was at school I was reading Ecclesiastes and I came upon 4:8 “For whom do I labor and deprive myself of goodness? This is also vanity and a painful distraction.” I was confused for a second because I always thought not sinning was just keeping yourself away from the pleasures our flesh indulge in. But this is wrong. We can also see in Colossians 2:21-23 “Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle.. which all concern things which perish with the using according to the commandments and doctrines of men?” There is a clear distinction between self deprivation and self denial in the Bible. Self denial written all over the gospels (Luke 9:##) is in the context of crucifying the flesh. It’s dying to your old worldly lifestyle and replacing and further fulfilling your life with the blood and life of Christ. Self deprivation is mimicry of denying yourself picking up your cross daily and following him. Back to it though. When I came downstairs after giving in (upon my own choice) I went to eat dinner. Not gonna lie it was good. My mom and God always remind me they love me (and of course my previous betrayal) despite the sin I commit. I pictured Jesus like a child. I was walking away from him saying stuff like I can’t live anymore, it’s destroying my life I give up. And Jesus is like No stop you’ll end up separate from me or eternally with me, why do you choose to live in sin/burning hell? I was like because I can’t do anything I deal with this all the time I quit. And Jesus starts crying like how a child would “Then why did I die for you?!” It hurts. I think I’d break if I ever saw Jesus as a child crying. My mom must think she haven’t loved her son enough. It’s true I probably do have trauma but I’m healed in Jesus name. People are going through ways worst than I am. My mom does things for me all the time, most I don’t even notice. It’s not her fault. Seriously.

I fell again hate saying that and I confessed to a friend on here also it hurts me that I hurt God I’m gonna go on a fast and try to discipline myself and anything God puts on my heart asap without a second thought please pray for me Jesus can and will deliver me I have to choose him God bless everyone

Hello I recently downloaded this app again to get into this community. I fell back into lust for the past 2 weeks. Lately in this spring break I was not able to stay clean and it took a toll on me. Someone pray for me. I don’t want to be like this anymore.

Hey everyone I'm sorry I haven't texted in so long but I want to say to you all I'm so sorry I let you all down I let down Jesus I let down the holy Spirit and the angels and Iet every one down and I falied and I feel like an absolute failure and a nobody I fell back into smoking and I want to quit I have been trying to quit but I fell back into it and just feel terrible I feel like I deserve to die and I'm not going to lie I did almost die today and I got my ashes and everything yet I still failed I just feel like a failure and a nobody Im sorry y'all I'm sorry God I'm sorry Jesus I'm sorry holy Spirit I'm sorry Angels and I'm sorry I don't deserve to be here.

I have not been obedient to the Holy Spirit. Imagining everyday like war against the world has really helped me understand the armor of God. I have little habits of eating unhealthy late at night when I know I seriously should not be. I thought it was a little harmless self indulging thing to do and I also forgot to brush my teeth before going to bed (yeah it sounds like I’m 10). This left my heart unprotected and lustful, eventually I fell. I remember seeing a poor man on the street downtown AnnArbor. I was walking with my friends to the gym and it was mad cold. My wallet was in my bag and I didn’t feel like taking it out so we turned to the other street. I was so pissed I rejected an opportunity God presented to me. I failed the test God gave me once again. But if I can’t stop eating junk food how will I suddenly be willing to die for Christ? I began to pay for my friends, delete distractions, and join Bible studies. Taking incremental steps to be more holy and putting on the armor of God will help you in your journey to seek discipleship and freedom from lust. Thank you for listening God bless you