1. Post consistently. Not because the algorithm demands it, but because guilt is a great motivator. 2. Your logo doesn’t matter as much as you think. No one’s skipping Starbucks because they don’t like the font. 3. If it looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint, it better be on purpose. 4. Don’t post and ghost. Comment on your own post like an unhinged fan. Engagement is engagement. 5. People don’t read. So make your text short. Then make it shorter. Then cry. 6. Your friends aren’t your audience. They’re just unpaid interns who ignore your promo posts. 7. A bad poster makes a good show look bad. A good poster makes a bad show sell out. 8. The algorithm doesn’t hate you. It just doesn’t find you interesting. 9. The best time to post was yesterday. The second best time is right after you overthink it for an hour. 10. Marketing isn’t manipulation. It’s storytelling. And if you’ve read this far, congrats, you’ve just been marketed to.

I’ll go first: I’ve always wanted to make those old-school tear-off flyers, you know, the ones where you rip a phone number to “call the guy who mows lawns.” Except instead of phone numbers, each tab would be a promo code for tickets. Analog marketing. Digital funnel. Confusion, intrigue, hopefully successful.