@Zach Van Dyke what a powerful moment Z. Absolute reassurance you're doing things right. Thanks for sharing.

A few weeks back my boys and I needed to make a run to the pet store. While there, my youngest asked if we could get a Betta. I told him we can’t just randomly get a fish, or any pet for that matter, due to an impulse. I told him if he really wanted a fish, he needed to show me it was more than just an impulse. Initially he was annoyed, but I asked him if he had any ideas how he could show that. He asked, “what if I write an essay?” I told him that is a great start. In the following week or so, he took the initiative and time to compile an essay, getting a template paper from his teacher, collaborated with his friends at school and used his free time to work on it at school. He even included a sketch of “his soon to be fish”, and stated that he’d help pay a portion. The pride he had when he handed it to me was beautiful. I read it, let him sweat for a bit, and ultimately expressed how proud I was of him and agreed to the fish. The next day, back to the pet store. He knew exactly what fish he wanted and how he wanted to decorate the habitat for him. His big bro was even showing excitement and support about it all and got involved in the process. Came home got it all set up. Next morning he wakes and just sat alone with Jude the betta, his new pet, for a bit. “This is the first pet I have that is all mine” is how he put it. I cannot pinpoint one moment in this all, rather the entire process he went through to make it happen for himself rather than just asking and expecting. Made my heart full.

This is GOLD! I have been in the field of professionally working with children for the past 23+ years of my life, which is where I met Zach. One of the biggest hurdles I have faced as a DAD is EXACTLY where this course concluded… “my family gets the best of me not the leftovers” I admittedly have given my all to other DAD’s children, and only given the leftovers to my own. I combat this very reality each day. For me, it is #2 I go to tug-of-war the most, being Mentally Present. My profession requires me to be available during crucial dad opportunities each day. I work in youth soccer full time. As a director, an on field coach, an administrator, along with just about every aspect of running a youth program. The major hurdle is that kids and families engage in competitive youth soccer during critical DAD time, weather I am actively coaching, “on the clock” or not. Creating boundaries, for starters, is a struggle of mine. I want to be everything for everybody all the time, but, as I have matured and become a father, I have learned, I CANNOT be that for everyone all the time nor can I burden myself with that every day [easier said than done for sure]. I need to be mentally present for my own boys and not be distracted with emails, phone calls, text messages, etc. at all times. All said, I struggle with this tug-of-war every day. I have aimed to frame my work around my parent time as a divorced co-parent that has my boys 50% of the time and understanding my own boys need ALL OF ME. I want to give them all of me as much as possible. However, my work naturally leeches into my DAD time and I become reactive at times to work while my boys are with me. As Zach said, awareness is the first and hardest stage. Be honest with yourself and trust your instincts. This can be difficult and sometimes an outside observer may need to nudge you and let you know this is happening. …PAUSE… Listen to and /or observe your children, your surroundings and your inner dialogue. Listen to

Beautiful work Z ! I envy the space you have created for us all to be ourselves and share our experiences as dads. One love! Shout out to the littles who made the eve more special by playing baseball, football, and just being kids. Love that! Kids are the glue, without them, this community would literally not exist. Sometimes the best medicine for DADS, is to get on our kids level and just engage and …. PLAY!!

Z, this is a million dollar question that we all seek to know… In my experience as a dad, which has been like a growing rainforest and started at a 0-60 pace through falling in love and instantly becoming a step father and all that entails to having my own children and raising them with my wife to now raising my two boys while divorced and co-parenting with my x while also striving to maintain connection with my now nearly 22yr opd son [technically ex-stepson]. He will always be my first son. In this all, I have never felt so accomplished, loved, betrayed, confused, fulfilled, loved, angry, abandoned and challenged. However, the summits are second to nothing in life. The simple answer to your question is, in itself, a question… Are you acting out of love? I have learned in my experience that this is the key. However, the ability to do this sounds easy but can become clouded with each of our unique situations and emotions. Being ‘cool’ is not always what is love is and what our kids need. Sometimes what they need is to hit a wall, be told no, be challenged. This is where it can become an internal tug of war. For me in particular, raising boys in split homes can magnify this yin and yang polarity. To Z’s point, listening is crucial to parenthood. As is creating a safe space for vulnerability to communicate and also make mistakes. It is in this where we are able to fully act out of love while using and teaching through our own moral compass. Acting out of Love and following my moral compass has been my lighthouse in navigating parenthood. Our children will always remember how we made them feel. I recommend we ensure they always feel loved. What we do, buy, say, show or whatever else may take over in the moment, but acting from love can be hard and sticky and our children will it always like that or thank us, for now. Good post, got me thinking.

Z! Being the glue of your people as you always have. Love that about you. Our journey into Dad-hood began simultaneously and has been an epic journey to share together. I appreciate you and all you have taught me along the way. Looking forward to Dad crew and getting to know all y’all better and share our thoughts, experiences, and stories of the joys and challenges of being a kick ass Dad. One love