Had a deeply profound experience with the inner child meditation - brought me a lot of clarity and another pocket of healing. 💖 #day4

I actually have had a really hard time throughout the past 2 years letting go of my ex-fiance. I am someone who loves very very deeply, and it was extremely hard for me to reconcile not only her cheating on me and walking out, but all the deceit, manipulation, and emotional abuse that followed. It felt like the woman I loved so much just disappeared overnight and I could not wrap my mind around it. She even came back months later, and it was extremely difficult to have to say that I can't go back. Since then, I've done immense work inside myself, finally learning how to choose myself when the person I needed most in the world to choose me did not. Regardless, there's still a lot lingering when something impacts you so profoundly, especially being as energetically sensitive as I am. Given my own patterns, it's been very difficult to work through the shame or ways in which you blame yourself, or attack yourself even though it truly isn't your fault. Writing the letter, reading it aloud to myself, sending it off into the ether, and then burning it felt like a lot of those lingering bits could finally be resolved within me. I feel such an immense energetic weight off of my shoulders, and it really is such a blessing, albeit emotional. A super helpful lesson today that I only felt fully ready for after 2 years of processing. 💖

The biggest theme that's been coming up for me around the Father wound is feeling like I'm stepping into the role that my father should have had for myself. As I faced my father in the meditation, I was overcome with this sense of becoming what I needed him to be, and loving and supporting my inner child in the way I needed him to. I feel like as an adult, I'm having to learn to step into a strength that he never actually had, and empower myself to teach that little boy inside of me that he's worthy of love and worthy of stepping into his own power. 💖 #day9

The Divine Mother meditation brought me some immense insight today. The core message I continued to receive from that vast, all-encompassing, loving energy has to do with the effort of trying to be enough in many areas of my life - the same theme I've been exploring. I've become aware that part of my survival strategy as a child was to escape into my mind, where I could become hyper aware of myself, and protect against making a mistake or making sure I do everything right so nothing bad can happen. In the meditation it was made very clear to me that all inside of myself and all in my life will completely take care of itself perfectly. That hyper awareness towards myself is the very thing that blocks my natural state of love and expression. It deeply ties into what I've been working through in this challenge of simply trusting that the being I am when I'm not vigorously thinking, questioning, or scrutinizing is beautiful, worthy, and enough with no efforting on my part. The most beautiful, authentic expressions of my soul, light, and love are completely available and flowing the moment I can just trust it and let myself be. I'm feeling that staying in action, allowing myself to do and move through my day more than think about it all is a great step towards that. The more I give up that hyper aware thinking mechanism that stunts my movement, I am finding myself to be more present, more free and connected to myself, and finding less resistance in my acting work as well. My inner child learned that I had to try and control myself into being enough, and now I'm finding a place in myself where I can start to let that go, and let that boy shine in the present. This Divine Mother energy made it clear to me that there is absolutely nothing I can do to miss this love being expressed in my life and the forms that come in when it's time for that to happen - a message that's come through many times the last couple of years. 💖 #day8

Resonated deeply with the talk around patterns and feeling overly anxious around how I express myself in connections. I see myself in the idea of feeling like I have to control whether that person will leave or be interested in me, and feeling like it’s my responsibility to manage or fix. The more I connect to my inner child, the more I see a deeper need to be accepted for who I am and internalize that I’m enough in my authentic expression, regardless of the outcome. Super helpful to understand it as my way of trying to ease that tension of feeling not enough by eliciting a response from someone else. A big takeaway from today is that it’s important in those moments to connect to the emotions of that little me, recognize and accept that there’s a fear of abandonment or rejection, and allow that acknowledgement to free up my expression - to accept that it simply isn’t my fault or responsibility whether someone is interested in me or receptive to me when expressing myself authentically. That I’m enough whether someone resonates with me or not, including all of those fears or patterns. I’m becoming more aware of just how much that little boy in me was trying so hard to get his dad to love him, and still feels like he has to do everything right to earn love from others. 💖