You didn't lose the child you were. He's still here. And sometimes he's the one responding to the world before the grown man in you has had a chance to catch up. In the second conversation in our Who Am I? series, we bring the question close to home. Last time we spoke about the soul, identity and who we are beyond the names we carry. This time, we're looking at the boy underneath the man. Because you can be thirty-eight, have a family, a career, responsibilities, and still find yourself reacting from a place that feels much younger. Mahmoud shares a memory from a school bus. A teacher called him good, and he remembers how much he wanted that feeling again. How early he began performing for approval, and how easily a boy can start dimming parts of himself to receive love and recognition. From there, Mahmoud and Jarne explore what happens when we grow up too quickly. Why we stay in our heads. Why dropping into the body can bring us face to face with fear, grief and feelings we've spent years avoiding. And how the child we remember is different from the one we can still feel in ourselves today. Then we get into the practice. Going towards that child. Listening to him. Giving him the attention, comfort and safety we may have struggled to find from the adults around us when we were young. Learning to stay with what comes up instead of immediately explaining it or running away. And there's another side to this conversation too. Mahmoud talks about learning to ride a bicycle at thirty-three, cutting his hands while learning to cook, and being humbled by an eleven-year-old who can put together a full meal in fifteen minutes. Because the child within us carries more than our wounds. He also carries curiosity, play, wonder and the willingness to try something for the first time. Maybe growing into a man doesn't mean leaving that child behind. Maybe part of the work is learning how to take care of him, listen to him, and make room for him in the life you're building.

Sometimes I feel connected to the stars. What is happening above is happening within. And sometimes I’m just this mad guy trying to figure out how he’s going to pay rent next month. You could be both. That’s something I said during a recent conversation with my brother Jarne on The Vertical Man. We were talking about who we are beyond the name, the job, the personality, the body, and all the things we’ve come to identify with. We went into the soul, the ego, the 3D matrix, the divine, and the strange ways life sometimes moves us. But the conversation kept bringing me back to something very ordinary and mundane. Being human. Because I think there’s a point on the spiritual path where we can become so interested in understanding what exists beyond this experience that we start missing the experience itself. We talk about consciousness, timelines, energy, alignment, the soul, and the divine. We learn new language to describe what we’re going through. We start seeing patterns and connections that we might not have noticed before. And sometimes, without realising it, we become very good at talking about life while avoiding the parts of life that are asking something from us. I know this because I’ve done it myself. Full Article on Substack, please allow yourselves to get triggered: https://mahmoudbayoumi.substack.com/p/the-stars-and-the-rent

A New practice is up on youtube. This is a 15 minute somatic session I had the privilege of recording in Nepal's jungles. We move through the senses, breath, a little shoulder and neck release, some stronger breathwork, then Anapana and a heart practice to close. Something might come up. Anger, grief, relief, or something you can't quite name. You don't need to make anything happen. Just give yourself the space to feel what's there. No experience needed. Find a quiet seat, press play, and let yourself return. I appreciate those who support this line of work, drop a comment or share with brothers who needs this. Enjoy.

This is part two if didn't catch the first episode on entities. This episode we dive into catching entities in the present moment. We introspect into what's actually yours, what's not, and how to tell the difference in the middle of an ordinary day. Mahmoud and Jarne both come at it through the eyes. Jarne on alchemizing every eye contact on the street, then retreating from it, and what not blinking taught him about his own internal state staying still. Mahmoud on an ongoing experiment after joining Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, walking through the streets and not looking, and the electrical pull that rose up, the shame, the fear, the voice that sounds like you but moves on its own. The same compulsion he knew with cigarettes and substances, just subtler, further in, more powerful source. Underneath it, the fear that hooks every man. Not enough. Unlovable. Not safe. The parts of us frozen in childhood, the teachers representing authority who terrorized us, the schools system our inner child survived. That's the crack the entities get in through. And the isolated, ashamed man alone in his room is the easiest one to feed on. Jarne on the soul as a pure fractal of God, on spirits in plants and medicine and knowing which ones you're actually letting in. Mahmoud on the shift in his own medicine work, from chasing validation to sitting with the darkest layers by candlelight. Then it comes all the way down to the practical. Perineum breathing. A somatic alarm clock built on the old story of the five prayers. One breath before bed. Joining a consistent men's circle, so you're not dumping your unintegrated shadows on your woman or swallowing it alone. Vertical Man is a live men's podcast and men's group, held by Jarne and Mahmoud. Every Sunday, 10 PM Cairo. Stay open. Stay rooted. https://open.spotify.com/episode/3bdLQgN0l201WZ4I9C6OJI

I have been crafting this one for sometime. First time I was introduced to breathwork, I had the vision to create one myself, from music production to editing the visual video. Today I cross that threshold. My first 13-minute music guided circular breathwork journey. Lie down. Breathe. Let the body do the work it needs and get ready for some releases when the strings and piano make their introduction. Enjoy and let me know what you felt. Appreciate the support 🙏🏽 https://youtu.be/4aFBirPa5Bk?si=lgxbtCU6GPF37La3