I’ve walked the path of plant medicine for years, Iboga, Ayahuasca, Bufo, mushrooms, marijuana, Kambo. Each time, I thought, This is it. This is the one that will finally fix me. I kept chasing that breakthrough, believing that just one more journey would get me where I needed to be. And while each medicine gifted me profound realizations, the pursuit itself became an addiction, always seeking, never arriving. After my last Ayahuasca ceremony, something shifted. I realized… There is nothing to fix. Nothing was ever broken. What I needed wasn’t another medicine, another ceremony, another deep dive into my subconscious. What I needed was integration, to stop seeking, start living differently and start showing up authentically embracing not only my angel side but my devil side too. I realised no plant, no teacher, no external experience can turn me into the person I want to be. Only my actions, my choices, my willingness to show up differently every single day can do that. And that’s when I decided, I was done. No more medicine. No more searching. Just integration. But then, San Pedro found me. Unlike before, I wasn’t looking for it, it came to me through my friend. He told me it was a heart-opening medicine, very gentle unlike the other medicines I tried. So, I sat with it, setting just one intention: to allow. To let go of expectations. To stop controlling. To receive whatever was meant for me. An hour passed. Then two. And… nothing. My friend, who took it with me, was already deep in his journey. I, on the other hand, was sitting there waiting, waiting to feel something, waiting for the shift, waiting for it to work. Frustration crept in. I started questioning, and somewhere in my mind came to a decision that ‘this is a waste of my time and money, it doesnt work and I dont like it.’ We kept walking, and eventually, we reached a cave. I sat down. And suddenly… it hit me. I wasn’t allowing anything. I was expecting, expecting San Pedro to feel like the other medicines I had taken, expecting it to match my past experiences, expecting it to do something to me. But true allowing means letting go of everything I think I know. It means being open to what is, instead of trying to shape things into what I want them to be or what I thought I knew.

You can also go on Pinterest screenshot and share in the comments below! Mine is how a dragonfly comes to be… from the book Gene Keys… Dragonflies spend much of their early lives underwater. As underwater insects they are known as nymphs, and unlike most pond insects they do not have to come to the surface for air. For most of their lives, nymphs live totally underwater where they are highly successful predators, feeding on anything from leaf litter to small fish. During this stage of its life, the nymph goes through a series of moults - stages of maturity in which it sheds its skin but still remains a nymph. These stages of the insect’s life can last several years, and during this time it has no idea whatsoever of what kind of future lies ahead. It is undergoing a series of hidden mutations. Then, one day, all of a sudden, some sleeping gene deep within is triggered and the nymph does something totally out of character - it finds the stalk of a nearby plant and climbs out of the water. For the first time in its life it tastes air and direct sunlight. Once the nymph has left the safety of its underwater environment, the sunlight begins to work on it, catalysing what will be its final moult. It is at this stage that the true magic occurs, as the advanced creature hidden within the nymph cracks the outer larval skin. Over a period of several hours, four crumpled wings appear and the distinctive slender thorax begins to uncurl. What is of great metaphorical relevance at this stage concerns the element of water. As the emerging dragonfly rises out of the element of water and prepares to be reborn into a new life in the element of air, the water that still lies within its body becomes the key to the transformation process. Through a process of hydraulics, the water within the nymph’s body is pumped into the emerging wings and thorax, causing them to unfurl and spread out for the first time. In other words, the dragonfly assumes its aerodynamic shape by means of the water from its old life. This water is what drives its mutation from nymph to dragonfly. As soon as all the water is expended and the dragonfly is fully extended, it takes to the air and begins its new life.”

Today has been a very testing day. My mother whom I live with because I have nowhere else to go right now and she's anarcissistic hateful human being. She knows I'm starting an art business Cyn's Passion Customized Artwork and she claimed she was having someone paint the deck that I go on each morning to meditate and paint. However when I came home from my job at the Hilton Hotel I work at also the deck wasn't painted... When I woke up this morning to meditate and paint I couldn't find all my art supplies that she had told me to pack up in a bag that was on the deck. I searched for a minute before calling her to find out she threw it away. In that bag I had all my paint brushes, acrylic paint, my blow-dryer, even some candles, sage and crystals I used for meditation. All gone in the dumpster while I was at work the day before... I had a nervous breakdown. She has always resented me when she asked me at the age of 10 if she should divorce my father and I told her yes ( long story ) and she still goes back to see him to this day I'm 39 years old now just 29 years ago our whole dynamic changed back then and now she is sabotaging my art business because she knows I want to be a full-time artist it's my purpose it's my passion even my children love art she's emotionally abusive and I'm stuck there I have to get a car in order to get out of there I came up with $1,400 by working at the Hilton to get insurance and a down payment on a car but because I haven't worked at the Hilton long enough they won't give me a loan not even the buy here pay here would give me a loan because my work history isn't long enough and my art business isn't considered work history because I don't have a tax form on it yet I have to have a cosigner which I don't have so in order for me to get out of her grip I have to get a car I've been shopping on Facebook marketplace looking for one .. anyway all that car stuff is irrelevant that's just my attempt to get out so that's my action if you will if you can send me positive vibes I would appreciate it I feel like I'm suffocating I know shadow work is hard and forgiving her for all the sexual abuse she allowed to happen in necessary but I'm really struggling pleased help me by suggestions as to handle this and as much positive energy as you can spare. Thank you for listening. Namaste

I would like to seek advice on how to navigate my dating experiences. As a highly ambitious and independent individual, I find that while men are attracted to me, I yearn for deeper emotional connections and intellectual conversations. I am transparent about my life goals and aspirations, but often receive polite rejections or explanations once I share my vision for the future. This surge of rejection in my late 20s is a new experience for me in the dating realm.

I love you unconditionally and all I want is for you to have what you want for yourself. However, if what you want for yourself doesn’t provide what is needed in the relationship we desire to build together, my unconditional love for myself allows me to let go of you, and choose someone who will be willing to put the effort needed into building the relationship we both want out of love for each other, not out of obligation or fear of losing one another. It’s important to have the freedom to be ourselves, but, if we want to build something new and of value for both of us to grow, we must also be willing to put in the effort required from both sides.