Breakthrough Story - late... me like always ^^'
I had a loooong, very long text... because once I start writing I can’t stop and everything just comes to mind and it gets all confusing... So, to make it easier to share, and more digestible, while keeping the important parts, I asked ChatGPT to make a summary of each point. By the way, when I read the summary, it used “you” instead of “I,” so it felt like reading the words of someone else who knew my story, and it really moved me. Seeing some of those phrases helped me gain a new perspective on myself. Just for that, I’m truly thankful. ^^ 1. Before “The cage called perfection” I grew up walking on eggshells always alert, measuring every move so no one would yell, judge, or reject me. I learned early to silence myself, to predict reactions, to be the “good girl” everyone would accept. My dreams of being a dancer, or a singer, even an athlete stayed hidden under layers of shame and fear of “being too much.” I became the caretaker, the listener, the one who made others feel safe because deep down I longed for that same safety. By my early twenties, living in France, the cost of always pleasing others had hollowed me out. I were trapped in a job I disliked, a relationship that dimmed my light, and a mind drowning in exhaustion. The mask cracked when depression and agoraphobia took over, and even my dog Annya that I got once I realise if I was waiting for the right time it would not come, after my first suicide attempted. I got her also to help me with my depression and agoraphobia. But my "demons know how to swing", and Annya became both my anchor and my guilt as my agoraphobia went for 2 years. I stayed alive mostly for her… and for my mother. 2. Crisis “Enough was enough” By 2013, despair had reached its limit. I thought going back to Portugal might help, but instead I began planning my death, even thinking of how to spare others the inconvenience. Then came an unexpected call from my mother in Switzerland needing help for a surgery. If doing the surgery she would be at least 3 month unable to to things alone. Without knowing how, I said "I go to be with you and help you". That decision seemingly small, purely for her interrupted my plan to die. I didn’t go because I was healed, I went despite being broken. But that act of choosing to help became the first invisible thread pulling me toward life again.