My bridge in the meditation was a simple wooden bridge, about 30 feet long, but it was very solid and sturdy. It wasn't anything special, it was just a wooden bridge, but i felt safe and I felt supported. Those two things stood out to me. The masculine energy message for me reminded me of Mufasa from The Lion King: “Remember who you are.” And when I connected with my inner child and asked if he had anything to tell me, his message was simple: “Remember to have fun.” He showed me memories of running around the yard, climbing trees, playing Power Rangers and X-Men with my friends, and doing cartwheels off the stone wall. I also started remembering my college years and how much fun I used to have. It wasn't about partying or doing anything crazy. It was just enjoying life, spending time with friends, and having fun in the moment. Even after the meditation, as I was talking about my experience, more memories kept coming back. I started remembering that fun, carefree version of myself and wondering when I became so serious. Something else I realized afterward was that my inner child wasn't telling me to lose weight, get my finances together, or fix all the other things I worry about as an adult. Those things are important, and I still need to work on them, but they're already big enough without me making them even bigger in my mind. I don't need to let those responsibilities take over my life or keep me from enjoying it. And now, thinking about the two messages together, I feel like they're telling me something important. I don't need to become somebody new, and I don't necessarily need to go back to who I used to be. I need to reconnect with the roots of who I am. I think I've spent so much time worrying about what I need to change or improve that I've forgotten some of the things that made me happy in the first place. My biggest takeaway is that I need to ground myself in who I am, remember to have fun, and take life a little less seriously. I can still work on improving myself and taking care of my responsibilities without forgetting to enjoy my life along the way.

Inner Child Meditation Reflection Today's meditation brought up some interesting memories and realizations for me. One was how uncomfortable I am with conflict and anger. Even as a child, hearing my mom and sister argue made me nervous. Even now, after an argument, it takes me a while to feel comfortable again. When Aaron said, "If I can become more comfortable with my own anger, maybe I can handle other people's anger better too." Or something like that. It made sense to me because I don't really know how to act when someone is angry with me, so I try avoid making them angry. And just because someone is angry doesn't mean they don't love me. During the guided meditation, we were asked to imagine our spirit guide coming down on a cloud. Mine was ʻUhane, one of my dogs who passed away. We went back to visit my younger self, and I remembered how happy and adventurous I was. I loved climbing trees, making bows and arrows out of sticks, and playing with my friends. But I also remembered some difficult moments. When I was seven, I accidentally dropped my baby sister on an escalator. A few months later, she became sick, and I remember feeling so much guilt and shame because I thought I had caused it. I also remembered how sad I would get when people left, and how I was usually alone when I cried or felt upset. During the meditation, I told my younger self that there's a whole world of emotions out there, and it's okay to feel all of them. It's okay to be happy, sad, angry, or scared. And it's okay to cry and miss people. And remember it is OK to cry no matter what Dad says. At the end, we held our younger selves and reminded them that we're here for them. It was interesting because I had a similar experience during the somatic breathwork session a few days ago, when I realized that I'm on my own team too. My biggest takeaway was that all emotions are okay to feel, even the uncomfortable ones. I don't need to be afraid of them, and I can learn to support myself through them.

Somatic Breathwork Reflection At the beginning of today's session, we were asked to think of one word, and the word that came to me was movement. At first, I thought it meant getting my body moving again, but also moving forward in different areas of my life. As the session went on, I started to realize that maybe the movement I'm looking for needs to start with acceptance. A lot of memories came up, from childhood to earlier this year, where I felt like I didn't fit in or wanted to be accepted. I realized how much wanting acceptance has affected my relationships. I also realized that the more fully I accept myself, the less I'll feel the need to put other people on pedestals. I've come a long way in accepting myself, but I still have some work to do, and that's okay. One of the biggest moments for me was feeling surrounded by my spiritual team, angels, loved ones, and some of my pets who have passed away. I could see them surrounding me, and then I was pulled back to join them as we all surrounded my younger self. That's when it hit me that I'm on my own team too. I think I've spent a lot of time looking to other people for acceptance, confidence, and even happiness. But I'm realizing that while someone else might help bring those things out of me, they're still coming from me. I can learn to feel those things without needing someone else there. I also felt a lot of physical sensations during the breathwork, almost like stuck energy. I started using my hands to massage through those areas, and eventually everything settled down. Looking back, I realized that this was another form of self-support. I was physically helping myself work through what I was feeling instead of looking for someone else to do it for me. The peace I felt afterward was amazing. My body just melted into my bed, and I felt so comfortable. Something else that stood out was feeling what I interpreted as a disconnect between my crown and throat chakras. I often have a lot going on in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting it into words. I felt tingling around my scalp and tension around my throat during the session. When journaling came up afterward, I wondered if writing more could help me get better at expressing what's going on in my head.

Day 4: Healing the Inner Child & Family Dynamics 1. What patterns did you observe between your mother and father? How did they model relationships? My parents have always been loving and affectionate. They hold hands, kiss, joke around, and work together to care for our family. My mom is more organized, while my dad is more playful. Both have always been hardworking, generous, and willing to sacrifice for their children. However, when I was about 14, I discovered my dad was having an affair. It hurt me and changed our relationship for a while, but my parents eventually worked through it and are still together. They taught me that relationships require commitment and that people can make mistakes and still work toward repairing things. They celebrated 47 years of marriage this past June, and are a great example to me of forgiveness and relationship repair. They both put in the hard work to move forward. 2. What patterns existed between you and your mother? My mom has always been loving, supportive, and sometimes strict. She encouraged my interests, especially massage and healing. Before I even attended massage school, she bought me massage and reflexology books and once flew me home from college to attend a Healing Touch course. I sometimes worried about disappointing her, especially regarding my sexuality. I didn't come out until I was 29. Although it took some adjustment, she continued supporting and loving me. Even now, I sometimes hesitate to share personal news, but I've never questioned her love for me. 3. What patterns existed between you and your father? My dad was funny, hardworking, involved, and sometimes strict. He taught us independence, responsibility, and respect. Discovering his affair when I was younger hurt me, and I became more withdrawn from him. I didn't openly discuss those feelings with him at the time. Over the years, I forgave him, and we have a good relationship today. He's always been there when I needed him. 4. Who did your inner child become to adapt to your family? What needs went unmet?

1. Core Event When I was younger, I had a very humiliating and traumatic experience in the communal showers at Boy Scout camp. At the time, I was about 12 or 13 years old. I was already stepping outside my comfort zone by showering in my underwear. While I was showering with a friend, an entire troop of about 12 to 15 boys, ranging in ages from about 12 -18 years old, stood outside the showers watching me, pointing, laughing, mocking me, and making comments about everything I did. Most of their attention was directed at me rather than my friend because I was closer to them. He was wearing board shorts, so Im not sure if he was affected by this as deeply as I was. I remember feeling so nervous and humiliated that I was physically shaking. At one point, I dropped the soap, and when I bent down to pick it up, i heard "oooh, HE DROPPED THE SOAP!!!" And more laughter. I don't remember everything they said, but I remember how terrible and exposed I felt. What was already a vulnerable experience became something deeply humiliating. Before that incident, I had been willing to push myself outside my comfort zone, but afterward, I became much more uncomfortable with exposing my body around other people. Even today, remembering that experience brings back some of those same physical feelings of fear and humiliation. 2. The Story I Told Myself I started feeling like my body was something I needed to hide and protect from other people's judgment. I became uncomfortable being physically exposed, even when I was fully clothed. I would wear oversized jackets, hoodies, and long pants, even at the beach, because I felt safer when people couldn't see my body. I think that experience, along with my upbringing and comments people made about my body during puberty, contributed to my insecurities. Even as an adult, I sometimes struggle with body confidence, being vulnerable, and allowing myself to be fully seen by others. 3. Reframing the Experience Looking back, I feel compassion for that younger version of myself. What happened was embarrassing and hurtful, and it was wrong for those boys to treat me that way. I was young, scared, and vulnerable, and it was okay for me to feel those emotions.