Thank you for sharing. I know a similar feeling, coming from another source. Since I was two years old, I felt wrong, different, even my body felt and still feels like this weird blob, it seems impossible to get to a core self after a lifetime of masking. In my mid 30ies I was diagnosed with autism, which does not change anything, but makes it more clear why I felt so different and misplaced, so weird. I have a very high IQ and therefore could mask on a high level even as a kid, so no one new how terrible and terrified I was feeling around them, the alien that is afraid of being detected and cast out. I still often don't feel understood, or that others are even able to understand me. It helped me bringing my focus on their trying to. On emphasizing and trying to understand where they are coming from, which gets easier with life experience and age. Meeting new people is still not easy, and it takes time to warm up. But practicing keeping an open mind and heart, not listening to the underlying fear, is a game changer. Even if I feel it, I can tell myself that this other person is not my enemy, doesn't want to do anything bad to me, and probably does neither see nor care if I was different or not. Everyone is in their own head, dealing with their own stuff. While that might seem as a separating thought, it helped me a lot with my fear of people and therefore easier to connect in the first place. Feeling alone does not mean we are.