Day 1 — Struggles & Wins (get real) 5 Struggles - I spent most of my life as a drug addict from the time I was a teenager.  Experimented with dozens of drugs just to “fit in”.   With no selfesteem, I continued this way of life till I hit MY rock bottom.  Losings my kids in 2015 to DCF and being homeless was a wake up call.  I lived off of peanut butter for months, living in my Isuzu Rodeo parked at a Flying J truck stop. Met a lot of lot lizards. - I was diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia.   I once was banker-acted from the City of Tampa Police department instead of going to jail for wreck-less driving after hitting a pole.  After being clean for a few weeks, I got up during a narcotics anonymous meeting because I feared people were out to get me.   - I almost lost my marriage due to a relapse a few years ago on alcohol, adderal, weed and cocaine. Not in that order.  Sitting in my $6000 bath tub, and $40k bathroom I just remodeled with a pistol in my mouth contemplating suicide.  Been clean since then after going to rehab - I am my own worst critic. Nothing I do is good enough for myself.  I love suffering and pain as I have lived most of my life this way.   Probably why I enjoy bodybuilding so much in a positive way.   Owning a business that grew to a life beyond my wildest dreams and fearing I am going to fuck it all up as I have done most of my young adult years.   Or believing that due to my guilt and shamefulness lifestyle, how can I deserve this life.  - I avoid conflict like the plague. My personal defect of people pleasing.   ______________________________________ 5 Contrasting Wins: - Parenthood: After having a little over a year clean, just starting my roofing business in 2017, I was gifted custody of my daughters 11 and 6 at the time.  Their mother could not raise them anymore.    I was living in a one bedroom apartment.  Had them sleep in the bedroom while I slept on the couch. This lasted about 6 months until I was able to move into a house.   Also trying to raise daughters without a woman in their lives.   Pubity was fun.   Standing in line figuring out pad sizes and your 12 year old daughter looking at you sideways. I worked my ass off running my business and raising kids to give them a better life then what I was giving them in drug addiction.  - Recovery:  With joining a 12 step program, I was able to find out who John really was.  Never really worked on myself before.  My  schizophrenia behaviors subdued and the work began rebuilding myself physically, mentally and spiritually.  Something I like to call P.M.S.  With recovery in my life wonderful things happened. One of them being my son came back into my life at 17 years old and have been building the relationship with him ever since. - Broke:   Went from being homeless, a dead beat dad, to running one of Tampa’s top roofing business with over 8 figures in revenue.  Owning not just one home, but 4 rental properties.  - Critic: Found God in my life.  God has removed a lot of my shame and guilt.  The plan He has for me and my mission exceeds all the bullshit and destruction my past has caused.   He is a loving God and forgives.   - People Pleaser: I got used to being comfortable in uncomfortable situation.  Also working on the 12 steps allowed me to work on the inside to address my defects and become a better leader. Now fuck what people feel or think, I am powerless over their opinions and feelings.