Scripture: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23 Tip: Pay attention to where your mental and emotional energy is going. Sometimes we create stress for ourselves by worrying about things we cannot know or control. Reminder: Self care sometimes means recognizing when our own thoughts are draining us and choosing not to keep feeding them. Recently, I came to a realization that was difficult for me to admit. I was sabotaging my own self care, and I did not even realize I was doing it. Every day I write these Mighty Caregivers Circle stories and share my thoughts and tips about caring for others while also caring for ourselves. Yet I discovered that while I was encouraging other caregivers to protect their well being, I was not doing a very good job of protecting my own. I had thoughts running through my head about how other people felt about me. I was wondering what people thought, replaying situations, questioning interactions, and creating conversations in my mind. My thoughts were racing, and all of that thinking was creating adversity within me. The strange thing is that I thought I was spending my energy in the right place. I thought I was trying to understand what was happening. Instead, I was using a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy worrying about things I did not actually know. I think this can happen to caregivers more easily than we realize. We spend so much time paying attention to other people. We notice their expressions, words, needs, moods, and reactions. That awareness can be an important part of caring, but sometimes we can take it too far. We start trying to figure out what everyone is thinking. We replay conversations long after they have ended. We imagine what someone might be thinking about us and then react emotionally to something that may never have been true in the first place. That is what I was doing. I was creating my own drama. It was not necessarily drama happening around me. It was happening inside me because I kept feeding it with my thoughts. I was spending energy on assumptions about what other people might be thinking instead of recognizing what those thoughts were doing to me.

Scripture: “Write down the revelation and make it plain.” Habakkuk 2:2 Tip: Give your brain a break. Keep important information in one reliable place instead of trying to remember everything. Reminder: Writing something down is not a sign that you cannot remember. It can help you organize your thoughts, listen more intentionally, and protect your time and energy. Throughout my years of caregiving, I have worked in some pretty chaotic environments. There can be people asking questions, phones ringing, schedules changing, appointments coming up, activities happening, and several things needing my attention at the same time. I learned a long time ago that trying to keep everything in my head simply does not work for me. One of my little secrets has always been a small notebook. I could carry it with me and quickly write down something important before it disappeared from my mind. Maybe someone needed me to follow up on something. Maybe I needed to make a phone call. Maybe there was a change I needed to remember later. I did not have to stop everything and take care of it immediately. I could write it down and know that I had a place to return to it. There is another reason writing things down has become important to me. Because of my hearing loss, I have learned that taking notes is actually one of the ways I listen to people. When someone is sharing something important with me, I intentionally listen and write down what they are saying. It helps me focus on the conversation and make sure I understand what I am hearing. I can trace some of that all the way back to elementary school. My speech therapist, Mrs. Harmon, taught me the value of writing things down. What I learned from her became a tool that I have continued to use throughout my life. Something that helped me as a child eventually became something that helped me professionally and personally as a caregiver. When I think about it, I saw this modeled at home too. My mom has always been very good about writing things on her calendar. I cannot tell you how many times I have given her a date and watched her immediately look at her calendar. Growing up, I remember how full that calendar could be.

Give Each Other a Break Scripture: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 Tip: Don’t just tell a caregiver to take a break. Look for one specific thing you can do that makes it possible for them to actually take one. Reminder: Sometimes the greatest gift we can give a caregiver is a little time when they do not have to be responsible for everything. Years ago, I worked as the administrator of an adult day care program. Every day, family caregivers would bring their loved ones to us. For several hours, they could go to work, run errands, take care of things at home, or simply have some time when they were not responsible for providing every moment of care. One day, we decided to do something special for those family caregivers. As they dropped off their loved ones, I handed them Kit Kat candy bars. There was a reason I chose Kit Kats. Many of us remember the catchy Kit Kat jingle: “Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!” It was fun and familiar, but that day the words had a much deeper meaning. We really were giving those caregivers a break. Looking back, I realize the candy bar was not really the gift. The break was the gift. For a family caregiver who spends day after day caring for someone, a few hours can mean so much. It might be enough time to go grocery shopping without rushing, have lunch with a friend, take a nap, go to an appointment, or simply sit somewhere quietly without listening for someone who needs them. For that period of time, someone else was helping carry the responsibility. I think we sometimes make caregiver support more complicated than it needs to be. We tell caregivers, “Make sure you take care of yourself,” or “You really need to take a break.” Those words are well intended, but then the caregiver goes right back to everything that needs to be done. The more helpful question might be, “What can I do that will actually give you a break?” If you know a family caregiver, offer something specific. Tell them you will take care of a chore. Bring them dinner. Sit with their loved one while they get out of the house. Give them an hour when they know someone trustworthy is there and they do not have to be responsible for everything. Instead of simply encouraging them to take a break, help create the break for them.

Please join me in wishing our Mighty Caregiver, @Jeremy Miller a happy birthday!!! Jeremy thank you for always showing up with care and compassion. We appreciate you sharing your tips on how to always care for ourselves so that we're better able to support others! https://www.edgeumc.com/mightycaregivers Wishing you many blessings, Dana✨🤍🌹🖤✨

Tip: Even a few quiet minutes can help restore your mind and prepare you to care for others. Reminder: Balance is often found in small moments, not big changes. One of the unexpected blessings of driving for Uber has been meeting caregivers. Many people climb into my back seat carrying more than a suitcase or a backpack. They are carrying responsibility, worry, and emotional exhaustion. Some are caring for a parent with dementia. Others are supporting a spouse through an illness or helping a child with special needs. Whatever their situation, they all have one thing in common. They spend so much of their day caring for someone else that they rarely have a chance to care for themselves. One ride has stayed with me because it reminded me how important caregiver balance really is. A caregiver climbed into my car after spending the day caring for a loved one. As we drove, she shared everything that had filled her day. There were doctor's appointments, medications, meals, phone calls, and one responsibility after another. As she talked, she admitted she could not remember the last time she had done something just for herself. As I listened, I realized something I had never thought about before. For those twenty minutes, she did not have to drive. She did not have to solve problems, make decisions, or think about what needed to happen next. She sat in the back seat, looked out the window, and talked. For a brief moment, someone else was carrying the responsibility. When we arrived at her destination, she thanked me for listening. As I drove away, I kept thinking about those twenty minutes. They had not solved every problem she was facing, but they had allowed her to pause, breathe, and reset before stepping back into her caregiving responsibilities. That experience reminded me that balance is not always found in taking a long vacation or getting away for an entire weekend. While those opportunities are wonderful, they are not always possible. More often, balance is found in the small moments we intentionally create throughout the day. It may be enjoying a cup of coffee before the house wakes up, sitting quietly outside for a few minutes, taking a short walk, listening to your favorite song, or simply taking a deep breath before moving on to the next responsibility.