If I continue to track some of the story patterns I've used over the years, one of the things that had made it hard to break the coherent story was social anxiety. I've had my feelings hurt more than once about how I looked, how I didn't fit in, etc., and I would cling to this negative self-image in an attempt to not be hurt by others. My stories would come out awkwardly. There would be a mix of self-depricating humor (so no one could say anything worse about me than I already was) and an inflated ego to try and offset the pain I was now causing myself. This would sound often like I was the victim of someone or something, in a way that would put me down and then I would counter it by either minimizing how it impacted me or turn it around to make myself out be the underdog hero of the story. I wouldn't necessarily lie, but I had a very biased view, a bit of exaggeration, a bit of minimizing, but for so long the same repetitive schematic of: "can you believe this horrible thing or person.... but whatever, I did this and then I got it to work out." In the end, I kept trying to convince other people of my own worth in an attempt to feel safe and validated. It wasn't until later in life that I learned that I'm the only one I need to prove my worth to. If I don't see it, then it doesn't really matter... But I mean really, really see it. I'm still socially anxious, but I've learned to connect to those nerves and fears and just let them be for the moment instead of reacting to them.